I hate being a parent to autistic child. Venting
I love my kids. They are both autistic. I hate to say this but they have ruined my life. I wish they never existed. I dread thinking of what each day will bring. They are non verbal and struggle with any communication even using AAC. They do not eat any “normal food” refuse to take medication hidden or not -will physically make themselves vomit. not potty trained. No safety awareness, runners , elopers. No friends. Stuck at home. I am here with them daily and talk to them ask questions with silence as a response. Its Isolating. They go to full time school with some progress but they are school age and are mentally/socially like 2 year olds. We have no assistance from family, no respite , no normal friendships with people because no one else understands what we are going through but i keep talking and explaining. I spend each day wondering what will happen to them when we die. They wont be able to function on their own. They will end up in some group home, alone , clueless. Probably wont even realize we are gone. Yet That’s years away so why do i sit here and worry. My mind cant stop. I feel disgusted that i feel this way but i cant help it. My husband and i just co exist making the motions each day. We used to vacation, date, have fun. Thats gone. Family cant be bothered to offer help now while they are able. Its an annoyance to them. They would rather pretend their autistic grandchildren dont exist. When they do come to see them they ignore the issue attempt to do things that a normal child would do. Things become unsafe, meltdowns happen but thats our fault. Keep pretending we are okay. Other support groups react saying to get out of our comfort zone , dont keep their world small. Doctors recommend services , medication after voicing concerns/frustrations. How ? No supports, no safety , no services available. Just keep going every day pretending to be happy.
Signed ,
an exhausted parent