knowing if/when to quit
have been here for about a week and a half now, had one of the worst days of my life yesterday and today wasnt much better. have had one decent work day so far. i suck so bad at this my bosses are getting sick of me. i feel ashamed showing my face anywhere in camp or work. im feeling so defeated i just cant enjoy anything.
i was looking forward to this and i prepared and i worked so hard to get this job and everything and now everyday i just hope something happens so i can not be here anymore. i even hope i get fired sometimes lol.
i can never just think about planting when im planting so i inevidibly fuck up my piece and my bos gets pissed at me again and j get upset because when im alone all i can think about is a billion things tbat upset me and fhen im making no money and busting my ass and suffering everyday with nothing fk shkw flr it. im dissapointing everyone here and i hate myself.
i told myself i would stick it out no matter what and if i can defeat this season i can take anything. now i cant imagine being here for another two months or more. the thought is unbearable. im eating shit everyday. one of my checkers told me today that quitting isnt an option because that means youre a little bitch, but man i just fucking hate my life.
i want to stick it out and make money and have a good time even but man every day just seems to get worse and im just dragging my crew down. the only thing i enjoy here js sleeping because in my dreams im not here.
also yesterday got sone really awful family related news which is seeiously affecting my performance. i really want to give up but i just cant. i dont know what to do fml