Paralyzed by past sins
Hi, I’m a 22F living in the west. I have some reasons for it, but my whole teenage life to now I’ve had haram relationships and committed zina - i didn’t go all the way and have penetrative sex but i did commit some sexual acts. i have since repented and begged for forgiveness because i know it was wrong and i genuinely don’t understand my decisions and I have such immense guilt and regret that it’s paralyzing my mind everyday. I can’t focus on anything else but dwell on this. I’m afraid I’ll never be forgiven by Allah and even if I am, my chances of getting married are next to impossible now. Has anyone else been through this? How do you move forward? Do I have to tell my potential spouse about everything I’ve ever done?
I just am hoping for some advice or a way to find peace because repentance hasn’t done it for me. Please be kind, I know I messed up and I have cried countless tears over this. I’m not looking for harsh judgment.
Thank you 🫶