u/CarrotOkay12

I (22F) travelled with my friend (22F) and the whole experience left me feeling really off about her.

Before this trip, there were smaller things that bothered me. For my graduation, she offered to take photos on her phone, but when I later asked her to send them, she acted like it was a huge inconvenience even though she was the one who offered. It took a long time to get them, and they meant a lot to me.

For my birthday, she gave me an almost expired sample deodorant and no card, after I had gotten her a $50 skincare item and a card. I didn’t expect anything in return, but honestly I would’ve preferred just a card or even nothing. I brushed it off at the time, but looking back it feels low effort and kind of reflective of how she shows up. I bought her the skincare item because she likes to splurge on cosmetic treatments etc for herself, so I thought it was fitting.

There have also been boundary issues. She once brought up my depression in front of another friend who didn’t know, which put me in a really uncomfortable position. She later said she “slipped” because we talk about more taboo things privately, but it still felt like a violation. I communicated to her that it made me uncomfortable. Later, she told my boyfriend about how I’m “insecure about my friendships” without asking, which didn’t feel like her place.

During this trip, the dynamic felt really one-sided. At the beginning when she was sick, I was helping her out a lot, buying her food and carrying large bottles of water for us because she didn’t want to drink tap water. I would also drink some of the bottled water. Later I hurt my arm and couldn’t carry heavy things like bottled water myself. She started buying water herself but kept it on her side instead of sharing, even though she knew I couldn’t carry any. It felt like things suddenly became very “mine vs yours” after I had already been helping her.

She’s also very particular about noise and cleanliness. I was out most of the day so she could rest, but whenever I came back, no matter the time, she would be asleep and I’d try to be as quiet as possible in the dark. Even small noises like brushing my teeth would get a sigh from her. At one point she suggested booking another place so her “sleep wouldn’t disrupt my movements,” which felt passive aggressive.

On top of that, she expected me to message the Airbnb host for everything. She wanted the host to come clean the bathroom mid-stay, help deal with our garbage, and even asked about getting another unit so she could rest separately. I had to be the one communicating all of this, and it started to feel like she was treating it like a hotel rather than a shared Airbnb. I even told her that’s not really how it works.

At the airport, she went through customs ahead of me. I texted asking if she could meet me at baggage claim to help lift my suitcase since my arm was hurting. She called about 10 minutes later saying she was already outside. That might be true, but in the moment it felt like she didn’t want to help in the first place.

Meanwhile she’s spending money on other things and people, which made the lack of basic thoughtfulness toward me stand out more.

I can’t tell if this is just incompatibility or if this is someone who’s genuinely not a good friend to me. It’s not one big incident, it’s the pattern, especially the lack of boundaries and consideration.

TLDR:
Went on an Airbnb trip with my friend (22F) and noticed a pattern of low effort and lack of consideration. Past issues include low-effort gifts, sharing personal information without permission, and being dismissive of things that mattered to me. On the trip, I helped her when she was sick, but when I hurt my arm she didn’t reciprocate (e.g., wouldn’t share water, didn’t help with luggage). She was also very particular about noise/cleanliness, expected me to handle all communication with the host, and treated the Airbnb like a hotel. Overall it felt one-sided and like I was adjusting much more than she was. Not sure if this is incompatibility or a deeper issue with the friendship.