Has anyone gone through this before? Idk what to do i even stopped praying and I don't have that religious guilt like I used to, and that's making me feel bad, I feel like a hypocrite!! Estaghfart and nothing changed, I'm lost and I don't know why
Got a job offer there And I'm a north african woman who never travelled anywhere, on google it says that it's a small town and it's very nice there but how is it actually????
Does it ever go away ??
I struggled with it for years and it made my life a living hell especially that I had no support system, that's why I had to deal with it on my own for years until I got therapy and it actually helped, I felt a like a new person, finally a normal human. But that didn't last long, I'm easily triggered and I literally collapse every time. Is there hope for me ?
Two days ago I posted about something that was haunting me for years, (although it was the most humiliating thing I've done), I ignored the comments who advised me to not tell him and decided to just say it, I didn't do anything wrong and I have nothing to be ashamed of.
I fought my tears my pain my trauma my self respect, and told him everything, tbh he was sympathetic he felt sorry for me etc but I could see how differently he started looking at me, he didn't say what he was actually thinking and just said "I need some time to process that" which was enough to break my soul.............
I'm so sorry for posting this here! I apologise to everyone who read my two posts
I apologise to the mods too since you have to read this to filter it
TRIGGER WARNING, PLEASE DON'T READ THE REST IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE I NEED TO GET SOME STUFF OUT OF MY CHEST AND MY HEART BECAUSE I'M ON THE EDGE OF BREAKING
>!how longer am I supposed to pay for other people's inhuman acts, it consumed my childhood my health my past, my life and apparently it will ruin my future too. While other people were enjoying the supposedly best years of any person's life, I was praying to God to take my life everyday. I'm the one who lived in hell not the guys who raped me.!<
>! How is it fair for someone that lived their life on easy mode to judge me. Yes I am traumatised but so would every human who went through what I did !!! How is it fair for them to shame me for that I'm supposed to get raped and then live normal and not have a reaction because that's unfair for the man that haven't gone through any traumatic event, why should anyone deal with a crazy filthy human like me !<
>!I really would've accepted it if I actually had sex with men or something I would've assumed my responsibility, but I didn't I was RAPED !!!! I WAS JUST 4 YEARS OLD, How is it my fault that a monster took advantage of a child, why should I pay for that why should I suffer because of that like it's my fault, believe me I already punished myself for being weak I punished myself for being stupid I punished myself for being vulnerable I did that for years! I know I'm disgusting, I'm still feeling filthy and unclean, everytime i get a glimpse of a memory of what happened I get the urge to burn my body because That's the only way to become clean no matter how much I've showered how much I've threw up I couldn't get rid of that stain !<
>!. Why didn't GOD TAKE MY LIFE BACK THEM !!!!!!!! WHY DID HE GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO LIVE!!!WHY DID HE GIVE ME HOPE !!!!!<
Since many people are talking about dating today let me get this out of my chest,
I was r*ped at 4 yo and I was sexually assaulted many times after that by different men on different occasions (I lost count) and all that have affected me badly and it took me soo many years to fully get over it I'm not get into details but it was at least 18 years of self Harm Su*cide attempts etc it's really disturbing...
Anyways I was against dating for the longest time I just pushed men away, but Now I met this guy and I actually like him, I don't want to tell him because he might get disgusted by me or disturbed but I think he has the right to know, but I don't know if I should tell him now, in the beginning before we actually fall in love with each other or I should wait untill the relationship becomes serious ( but what if he gets disturbed feels like he's trapped or something and that would break both of our hearts)
The reason I'm asking here is because I wanna know how Muslim tunisian men generally think, so mods please don't take this down until I get at least another point of view, I don't have anyone to ask or advise me ...