Imposter syndrome
Hey, so I’ve never been one to really be open with my struggles. Talking to people doesn’t come easy and freaks me out, so I figured putting it out there in a way where I don’t have to face someone would be the next best thing.
I’m 25, i’ve had a panic disorder since I can remember and I have been medicated since about 14. Most people I know aren’t aware I have one, I don’t talk about it and I’m pretty good at just taking myself away from situations to deal with my own shit. To me, panic attacks and my crazy anxiety are just another thing I have to deal with, I guess.
My disorder is a symptom of another thing I never really talk about and thats what makes me feel shit and spiral very fucking often. I’m hard of hearing. I was born without an eardrum in my left ear and I know that I process the world around me differently because of it. Crowds are a nightmare, lip reading is my go to in most social settings and I miss a lot in conversations. It’s nerve wracking as hell to just try and get through a day sometimes. I know most people with any kind of panic disorder have huge trauma and real issues that it stems from, so I guess I just feel like I’m just dramatic and that I’m being too much? Does that sound bad? Like, I know it’s real. And on top of the whole social interaction crisis I have day in day out, I’ve had some fucked up shit happen to me that most definitely hasn’t help my panic disorder- because haven’t we all!
Sorry this is rambling at its finest. I just needed to get this out somewhere and talking to people real does just freak me out.