I'm currently 23y, I have Dartagnã since he was but a few months old, adopted him from a friend of the family. He is 15 now, quite a long life for a dog, and he lived most of it in perfect or almost perfect health, never complained, almost never got sick or injured and even though he started to get some joint pain in recent years, he remained very much functional and independent, until last week.
Last week, he started to vomit and bleed from his anus, naturally, we took him to his vet, where he stayed for a couple of nights, they concluded that it was something he ate combined with his advanced age. He returned home at the beginning of this week, but wouldn't walk or stand on his own anymore, looked as if he was in pain most of the time, so we took him back. He got analyzed by a cardio, and the vet concluded that his heart wasn't pumping enough blood anymore, and on top of that, his joint pain had worsened a lot.
As of now, he is still under observation and undergoing intense treatment, but he isn't responding to it. Me, my mother and his vet, who cared for him for years now, we are all feeling like this may be it for him, and, right now, I'm a mess. Been crying non stop since his first return from the vet, can't concentrate on work or study and when i finally manage to, i feel guilty for not thinking about him. I'm going to visit him at the vet later today, and i feel that it might be the last time i see him, I'm taking my shirt so he can at least have my sent with him, but I can't stop feeling like I could've done more for him.
I can't see him in pain but I can't bring up the sacrifice subject either, I'm afraid i could never forgive myself one way or another. He's been my friend for the better part of my life, he's been nothing but sweet and loyal to me, and I just feel so powerless to communicate how much he means to me. I don't know what to even do anymore.
PS: I know he is still alive, and I'm sorry if my post here feels disrespectful to anyone, i just don't know anywhere else i could talk about it.