u/CapitalSomewhere6341

The floor tonight feels colder than it normal. The white and blue tiles scatter in a pattern I cannot recognize, so I zoomed in. My back feels the chills running down my spine as I drink the last bottle before the morning light breaks through the window.

It has come too soon and now I must get up. Take that cold shower to try to wake my body up for another day. Thinking of the past and the tapping shoes that haunt my brain. I can still hear them down the hall. Why must you haunt me so?

Only ten minutes, that is all I can stand before I am forced to get out. Never turning the heat up, never turning it any higher than ice cold. The doctor says it’s good for me but really the pain of the cold water hitting my numb skin is the only thing that feels human anymore.

As I dry off never looking up. No I can only see my feet. I can not raise my head to the bathroom mirror. I can not see the man that I hate most looking back at me. The man who gave me this pain that I can barely bear the weight. Why did you do this to me! Why did you choose this? Why did you take my heart from me!

Why must the tapping shoes still haunt my dreams! Why must the lord punish me? No, these thoughts must go away for now. I must find my medicine on the nightstand. The small bottle with clear liquid gold that runs on the way down. That is the only medicine that I need.

I can not sleep well even in my own bedroom since I refuse to lie on it. The imprints are still staring at me. Two deep pockets that had so much love and a small pocket that filled my heart with joy. Reminding me of what I lost. So I must look down at my feet as I get dressed for another day of work. Now leaving the bedroom and walking down that long stretched hallway that seems to be getting longer with each passing day. The tapping is now behind me, again I can not long. Not only stare at the hardwood floors. What color are they? What type of wood? How many circles within the wood do I see?

The tapping is ringing in my ears now! They beg for me to look but I do not have the strength. I am sorry! For I must go down these stairs. I pray that I fall, that I hurt myself, that something happens so that this pain can finally fly away like the dove.

When I reach the final steps, their heads are turned away from me. Sitting on the dining table, again begging for me to look up at them but sadly I pass. I can still smell their perfume. My heart sinks lower, as I can hear their voices to just look up at them! Why must I be such a coward!

Now at the door, they bang on the dining table! To just look up! You must look up to get your keys off the rack! No, I just slide my finger tips. Feeling the wet paint and texture of the wall to the point that I can feel the wood rack and hooks. Then sliding my finger tips across. Passing by the large keys with many different photos on them. They were once my keys.

Then passing the keys with hand sanitizer, a large pink car key. No I must pass that too! To the single car key now. This one is my new car key. It is simply grey. Even the shine on the key is gone. Now I must walk out the door. As the banging gets louder! To just raise my head once! Instead, tears fall from my eyes, rolling past my nose and finally hitting the cement just outside my front door.

Slowly shutting the door well they scream at me. It seems to shake as I slowly shut it for another day. Once shut the deep breath in. The large smile, then telling myself that I am good.

“Hey, neighbor! Oh, I am about to get my Starbucks! I am feeling grand! Thank you for asking!”