29M and my girlfriend bought a delay spray for me about 3 months ago because I was finishing too fast. Didn't ask me first just put it on the bathroom counter and said "I think this could help us". The way she said "us" when we both knew it was my problem and I used it because the look on her face every time I finished early was becoming something I couldn't take anymore.
It worked for lasting longer but I couldn't feel anything. Sex went from being over too fast to feeling like I wasn't even in the room but the worst part was what it did to her. One night after I went down on her she grabbed my face and said "I can't feel anything" not in a sexy way, in a scared way. The spray transferred and numbed her completely. I'll never forget the look on her face when she realized what caused it.
After that I stopped going down on her, didn't explain why just stopped because I couldn't be the reason she lost sensation during the one part of sex that was still good for her. She started asking what changed, if she did something wrong and one morning she was getting dressed and said "you used to not be able to keep your hands off me" and I just sat there staring at the floor.
Last week she broke down crying and asked why I don't touch her the way I used to. So I told her everything and she went quiet and said "you let me think I was the problem for three months when you knew the whole time" and she's right. I thought I was protecting her but all I did was make her feel invisible.
I dropped the spray and switched to something botanical that doesn't numb or transfer. Things are getting better but she still flinches when I reach for her now like she's waiting for me to pull away again and that's the part I don't know how to fix.
AITA?