u/Calm_Link_

I experienced a lot of abuse and bullying in my childhood. I never felt like I belong anywhere and I never really felt loved. I thought it would change, once I moved out of my stepfather's house, but it didn't. I thought that people would like me, I thought I could find love. If my abusers were wrong in mistreating me, I should be able to find a long term partner in no time. But I didn't. I tried everything. Sitting / walking around somewhere outside, going to partys, traveling, hanging out with friends, dating apps... Nothing. I still live on my own at 24. Everyone else I know has had a longterm relationship that lasted 2 years or longer at that point. My parents were already married at 24. An acquaintance of mine married at 21. One of my best friends getting married next year. But not me, no. No matter what I do, I end up single. I only had one relationship last year (which I bent over backwards for) and he left me after 4 months because I "wasn't mentally strong enough" for his liking. My abusers were right. I have no place in this world. It's impossible to like me, no matter how hard I try to be a good person. I don't really have any hope anymore. I should just kill myself, my life is worthless anyway. But my stupid survival instinct keeps me from doing it. I wish I could just turn it off. Go to the bridge, finally jump. I should've done that a decade ago.