u/Calm_Information_909

I’m slowly building back my mental health and self esteem after being diagnosed and I’ve been doing a lot of work to remind myself that I can have happy semi-normal relationships moving forward but even so I feel like there’s been such a negative connotation developed around sex. I used to be a very sexual person (perhaps that’s why I’m here) and now I feel like I’ve totally lost all sex drive. It’s almost like all the things I tell myself to feel better suddenly disappear as soon as I think about having sex again and idk how to fix it. I don’t even want to think about sex cuz it’s just a reminder that I have this virus and how it’s going to affect so much of my life forever.

Like I said I have been doing work to fix my mental health around it. I’ve been better at not feeling like a poison or dirty like I was before and reminding myself that my life isn’t over but now it’s just like I don’t even wanna think about sex cuz I don’t want to deal with it all. Aside from adjusting for precautions, does your sex life/libido ever actually go back to the way it was? Am I just going to have to accept my celibacy?

Like the title says I was one of the few lucky ones that was disclosed to and knew what they were getting into. The guy I had been seeing for the past year disclosed and I won’t lie it freaked me out and I had a lot of anxiety and paranoia over it throughout our time together but I really liked him and chose to continue the relationship regardless. We got in a big fight about a month or two ago and haven’t talked since which has been hard after finding out that I got hsv from a guy that never liked me the way he said he did.

I know hindsight is 20/20 but on top of all the other emotions I have after being diagnosed I also have to deal with feeling like an idiot for making that choice. I don’t blame him of course, he was always open and upfront about outbreaks and everything, but I can’t help but blame myself for making a dumb decision that’s now gonna impact me for the rest of my life. And I was aware of the risks but it just feels like I ruined my life for a guy who I realized never actually gave a fuck about me.

Idk if anyone else on this sub also got it after being disclosed too Ik that I am lucky for that but the regret is so all consuming I beat myself up about it everyday. And I know people on here have shared how hsv didn’t ruin their lives and it gets better and it’s so nice to hear but it’s still so hard to believe. Dating is already so hard and now it feels like no matter what I do, even if I make everything else about me perfect, there is always going to be this big reason for someone to not want to be with me. Ik I’m already a hard person to love (and maybe that’s why I was willing to risk it in the first place) and the idea that I would find someone was already hard for me to believe and now there’s just another reason not to.

I guess I’m just venting and again I feel selfish for being so upset when I was disclosed to and so many people weren’t but I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has felt a similar way. Does the regret ever go away?

I know hsv can shed asymptomatically but does anyone else get OB that u don’t even know are there unless you look? I only got hsv a few months ago (still struggling tho) from a guy I was seeing and I will have outbreaks that I don’t notice at all until I look (which I do out of paranoia). Even to touch they don’t hurt or anything. Which sounds good in theory but I only get outbreaks internally so i don’t feel them so it makes me nervous that I’ll have an outbreak and not notice if I haven’t been looking inside my vagina and end up having sex and passing it on.

I know I can start taking antivirals everyday I just haven’t been with anyone since so I hadn’t started anything yet. Are daily antivirals the only way to combat this besides literally looking everyday?

Obviously I will be disclosing to my partners but even so I wouldn’t want to sleep with anyone with an active OB.