I fought the monkey grass and the monkey grass won...
Before owning my current home, I had never had to maintain monkey grass. When we first looked at this house, the landscaping added so much to the curb appeal. Everything was so neatly surrounded by beautiful tufts of monkey grass, and I thought to myself, "how bad could it be?".
Fuck... If only I had some hindsight. The first year wasn't so bad. A few rogue sprouts here and there within the landscaping but easily managed with my handy weeding tool that the previous owner left for us. It's like she was trying to forewarn us of the shit we'll be having to deal with moving forward. Idk if there had been a heavy application of herbicide on the landscaping prior to buying the house preventing heavy growth the first year, because the next year everything really started going to shit. It began encroaching on absolutely everything and quickly overwhelming any poor foliage it could get its bloody roots around.
I tried to keep up. I hate landscaping and I bought a house that requires SO MUCH FUCKING LANDSCAPE UPKEEP. Why did I do this to myself? Turns out, most folks around me just hire landscapers... Must be nice, but I do not have the time, money, or patience to deal with this.
So the monkey grass won the initial battle. Tomorrow, I will be taking my mower and running over every last square inch of monkey grass, tearing up any remaining weed barrier (what a joke), and letting my landscaping revert back to whatever remains in the seed bank. Everyday when I walk out my door, I'm greeted by this disgusting weed that causes me so much anger, that I end up muttering "fuck you" under my breath every time I see it.
Monkey grass has officially booted the European Starling out of the third place spot of most god awful invasive species, only being beat out by Bradford Pear and privet.
Fuck you Bradford Pear. Fuck you privet. And one big fuck you to monkey grass. 🖕
Zone 7a.