(Skip to Q. No. 8 & 9 directly for main part)
(Tl:dr also given in last... )
Good evening lovely people of r/MEDICOreTARDS, long time no see. I can't help but express my gratitude to this subreddit and all it's lovely members.
This subreddit holds a very deep corner in my heart because this sub was there for me when I was happy, it was there for me when I was low, it was there to cheer me when I carried out the Modwork properly and it was there to slam me on my mistakes too when my immature and childish behavior took over.
Just like a family. I've never ever felt alone when I was connected with people here. I met so many amazing personalities which helped make me grow emotionally and intellectually too.
You guys must be having a lot of questions in your mind right now. I'll clear each and every one of them so please stay with me for a while.
Q.No. 1. Is u/hey_kiyori FAKE ? Was u/hey_kiyori marks fake? Did u/hey_kiyori lied about being a girl?
No I'm not fake. Neither are my marks. I am willing to give every proof you guys ask.
Also, I saw a comment saying that I once told someone that I'm a girl. I'm willing to do whatever that person says if he can prove that I lied about being a girl. I know for the fact because I never ever admitted to being a girl.I always dodged the question. I never lied, i just hide my identity that's all.
Q.No. 2. Whats the lore behind this u/hey_kiyori account ?
So those who know me, they know that my original account got banned long time ago. And not just the account, reddit has banned my ip itself. So every new account I create on this device keeps getting banned in a day or two automatically. Even this account from which I'm posting, will probably get banned till tomorrow.
Anyway, taking all this into consideration, thats when I requested a friend of mind to lend me her spare reddit account since I needed it during the final days of neet ( reason explained in more detail few paras down).
Q. No. 3. What's my actual backstory ?
This all roots back to 2 years back. When I got into a relationship with a girl. Everything was going so good in my life and I was very happy. But then suddenly in January 2025 a tragedy took place and our relationshp got destroyed in just a single day. That day still tops the most horrific day of my life yet. Anyways, everything started going south after that day.I went into the post breakup phase, my preparation got fucked, I left studying, I started taking sleeping pills. And all this when there were just 3 months remaining for neet 25. I suprssed those emotions and somehow temporarily got hold of myself in the final days and that's when I came across this lovely subreddit. I started posting my test marks and analysis to keep myself motivated in those final days. And by God's grace and blessings of my well wishers, I performed good in exam.
And most importantly, I never wanted to pursue mbbs. Engineering was my first dream. But due to some unforeseen circumstances, I came into this rat race. I hate every bit of this medical field. But since I wad already in, I couldn't see an alternative.
The post neet phase brought colours in my life again. I was given the honor to serve this subreddit as a moderator. We all did so much fun alltogether. I made so many friends here. Guys, gurls, gays, lesbians you name it. Every single person was awesome in it's own. I still have personal contacts of 90% of them people whom I met here. And if it's not enough, I've even met a few of them in real life. I'll never forget those days.
Even today also I got texts messages from my bhai jaise friends who were concerned about my situation. Thanks a lot u/Rowdy778 and Tanmay Gupta
Then came the exit phase. Counseling was almost wrapped up and 26tards started taking over this sub. Most of the 25tards got busy in their college life and never returned. I also left for my college in october.
Q. No. 4. How do I know u/damn_thats_stiff
During the same post neet phase last year, I came in contact with this gentlewomen (u/damn_thats_stiff). Initially it was just hi hello here and there but then our chatting frequency started increasing and we would spend hours chatting with each other. And in such a short amount of time, we both knew so much about each other. Family, life, past, ambitions, college, dreams etc, we discussed it all.
But me being emotionally vulnerable, started developing feelings slowly and as soon as I realised it. I communicated the same with her. Because I knew exactly how much it hurts and personally, I really don't like getting attached to a relation which I know won't last. I was gonna start college and she was preparing in her drop year.
So I took a selfish decision and isolated myself for her because at that time I thought thats the best for both of us. As easily I've said this, it was definitely not this simple for me to do so. But I believe if I had continued, then it would've brought out only more problems if anything.
Q. No. 5 . Am I a creep?
I knew that would sound wrong what i did and I'm not trying to justify it. But trust me the word "stalk" Is an overexagerration of the situation. I just "ADMIRED" her.
I had no creepy intention and even she trusts me that much enough. Its only like when I used to miss her I would go through our chats, her pfp, the singing, dance videos of her which she sent me etc. And all this with totally pure intentions. Even she admitted that she used to do the same when she missed me.
Q. No. 6. Why was I cancelled last year?
Short answer: Mental Instability, Guilt and Depression
Long answer: This all started after announcement of results. I checked my rank, it showed 7.9k .
I was very happy because my hardwork had finally paid off. Then the mcc counseling drama followed as you guys already know. Till this point, I had shortlisted a few colleges based on previous year cuttoff.
For those guys who don't know, I belong to SC category. And contrary to what some people believe here, I never ever tried to hide this fact, because I never felt the need to. I was raised in a very secular neighborhood. Though I won't deny that I faced few incidents of discrimination and casteism, but majority(99%) of the people I've met always accepted me as theirs. I too always accepted my identity whenever I was asked about it. In fact, it was me myself who told this to my friends here. But this all became a hell of an issue when allotment results got out and this suddenly started blowing up.
A youtuber named shivam raj singh was quite infamous for uploading vulgar content in the name of educational tricks. Someone posted one such video of him here on this sub. I commented on it " AIIMS nagpur holy fucking cornball " . My whole intention behind this was to emphasise on the fact that getting into aiims doesn't make a person sane. A person can be asshole and still be in aiims. But the damage was already done... People here misinterpreted that I wrote that in support of him. And later it turned out that he belongs to the same caste as myself. So people got crazy mad at me. I swear even I didn't knew until that point that he belongs to same community as me. It was only when someone pointed it out in the comment section I got to know that. And trust me my first reaction was shame, not defense. I was sad actually because by doing all that crap, he was just fueling the stereotypes against our community. No way I support him. I never did and I never will. But it was too late till then, the sub was filled with dozens of bycott posts against me.
Suddenly the bycott moment took a different turn. I started getting hate for using reservation to get into aiims. Till that point, I haven't given much thought about all this system of injustice. But when I emphasized deep within the system, deep within myself, I realised how fucked this entire dynamic is and the people who were hating me for my identity, were actually right at their place. Because of course I would also feel so bad and angry when someone who got 5x rank than me getting into my dream college and I aint.
Q. No 7. Did I take drop for my girl or for AIIMS Delhi?
Hell nah. I agree ki mai thoda boht chutiya hu. But itna bhi nahi ki is extent tak chle jau.
Q.No.8. So what actually happened with me at my college?
Initial few days went pretty plain. Adjusting to the new environment, meeting new students, new teacher, new city, new atmosphere new everything. And not gonna lie people there are so nice and kindhearted. I thought now everything will be okay, a new life will begin and my past will finally release my hand.
I was so wrong
From outside everything seemed alright, but my inner self was still dealing with extreme amount of feelings. Every emotions which I had supressed, came buldging all at once. I was overwhelmed. Insomnia followed once again, I was back to taking sleeping pills, I started getting weird dreams, I started leaving alone by myself. I rarely used to talk with any of my batchmates. I wanted to socialize too, but my brain resisted everytime I tried to. I feel so sorry for them, few of my batchmates were so generous to check out on me time by time, asking me constantly if I'm okay or not, trying to make me feel included. On the other hand, I just wanted to leave alone by myself idk why. Soon after, my urge to attend classes also died. I started staying in my room for the entire day all alone by myself. I would only go out for dinner. Shit became so intolerable, I started uttering countdown of my remaining days in my brain. I started feeling guilty for using reservation to get here, my mind constantly made me realise that I don't belong here. This is not where I deserve to be. There were moments when i felt like ending this all at once. I couldn't see a way out of my inner prison. I was suffocating within myself there.
I tried my best to deal with my emotions. But one day, everything erupted out all at once. All the said factors combinedly resulted into my breakdown that day and I was taken to trauma center of our hospital. From there I was refered to department of psychiatry. I told them everything I was feeling. I also talked with one of our professors and seeked their guidance. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. They all came to a conclusion that I'm not mentally well to pursue this course as of now and I should give myself a break.
Q. No.9. Why I decided to give NEET again?
I gave myself few days for processing all the shit. And then I made my final decision. I decided that if I decided to give neet again. I realized that I didn't truly belong to aiims. I constantly felt like I'm taking over something which is not mine.I couldn't deal with that fact.
I kept the whole thing under the charts and didn't tell many people except for some family members.
And with whatever 4 months I got, I prepared wholeheartedly for NEET again.I also talked with u/coach_saab in between and they were generous enough to give me their hours worth of precious time for giving me advice on my situation.
Thus days kept going, I kept giving tests regularly, kept posting my marks on this subreddit to keep myself motivated just like I did last year.
Though easy paper was exactly what I feared, NTA still did the usual NTA stuff and fucked me. When I checked physics and I was stunned by the silly mistakes I've made. I thought it's all over now, there goes my last chance out of this prison. I couldn't bring myself to check chemistry and biology. I was so scared of it. I thought my score would be something around 600 with this type of mess up. I was so scared I waited till afternoon until my friend checked the paper this afternoon and thankfully I didn't fuck up chemistry and biology and my score came out way better than I had expected.
I'm scoring well enough to get into a good government medical college in my homestate. Idk what I did was right or wrong but one things for sure, my heart is satisfied here. And I'm feeling a sense of relief. Feels like someone has lifted a ton of weight from my heart. I'm able to sleep properly now. Nightmares don't affect me that much now. I'm starting to feel normal again slowly slowly.
Idk what I did was right or wrong. Maybe this is what destiny wanted.
Apologies for taking so much of your time. And thanks a lot for listening my yap all throughout. Even in those horrible days in my life, if something brought smile to my face, it was none other than this lovely community. Love you all from the bottom of my heart <3
TL;DR (by chatgpt) 👇
OP (u/hey_kiyori) is not fake, didn’t fake marks, and never lied about gender—just kept identity private.
Used a friend’s account because their own accounts kept getting banned.
Backstory:
Went through a bad breakup before NEET 2025, which wrecked mental health and preparation.
Still managed to perform well with help/motivation from the subreddit.
Never actually wanted MBBS—was forced into it; prefers engineering.
Post-NEET: Became active in the community, made lots of friends.
Developed feelings for a friend (u/damn_thats_stiff), but distanced themselves to avoid complications.
Controversy:
Got “cancelled” due to a misunderstood comment + caste/reservation issues.
Faced hate, which led to guilt about using reservation and identity crisis.
College phase:
Severe mental health decline (insomnia, isolation, breakdown, psychiatric help).
Felt like they didn’t belong in AIIMS and were “taking someone else’s spot.”
Decision:
Dropped out and gave NEET again to start fresh, not for a girl.
Scored well enough again and feels mentally relieved and at peace now.