I’ve always been a big believer in writing for myself, which I still am!
But, I also thought that I was someone who didn’t care about my fics doing well. I knew I liked and appreciated the comments and kudos, but I didn’t think I’d actually care about not getting them. I’ve been writing fanfic for over ten years. I’m not new to to fics not doing well!
My most recent fic has just… flopped.
I’ve written unpopular fics before, fics that I knew probably wouldn’t do well for various reasons like them being rare pairs or unpopular tropes, and I haven’t been disappointed when they haven’t done well.
But this fic I was really proud of, and I thought it’d do well! It hasn’t. It’s been stuck at less than a fifth of the hits and comments my fics typically get.
And I’m so embarrassed that I care! I keep having the urge to delete it. I’m not actually going to, because I’m still proud of it and want it up… but every time I look at it I want it gone. It’s so weird, I’ve never cared about anything like this before!
I’m not embarrassed by my fic not doing will, I’m embarrassed by that fact that I care about that.
(I used the venting tag because I feel like that fits the best, but it’s really not that serious. I mostly just feel embarrassed and silly lol)