Do some of you still desire romantic relationships even though you don't want to be in them?
I'm still pretty young, and I don't have a lot of experience, and even though I'm pretty sure I'm on the arospec, there's this one thing that really confuses me.
I still desire the fun of romance, going on dates, being excited, etc. Like when I see an attractive person on the bus, sometimes I think I wouldn't mind getting asked out by them.
Even though being in a relationship makes me really uncomfortable. I don't like the idea of looking like a couple, holding hands romantically, cuddling romantically, looking into eachothers eyes, it makes me feel trapped and uncomfortable.
And if I think deeper into some of my phantasies, and how I would really live through them, like actually being on the date if the person on the bus asks me out, then it's uncomfortable again. But I still desire the idea of it.
This really occured to me when a friend of mine who's also on the spectrum described to me how he never actively wants to be in a relationship. I do, but when I am in them, I want to get out as fast as I can (I mean I've only dated once for a month, so idk if it was just the person :"D).
And I think I enjoy the build up to it, all that excitement, just not the actual thing. Like I enjoy the phase when we are getting closer, I'm attracted to this person, and I wonder if they feel the same, but there's nothing actual romantic couple stuff happening yet
Could this simply be a desire for attention, or the arospec is spectruming and I do want romance at some level, I just don't know what level yet? I mean could be both, and I've learned that there's never a straight answer :"D I'm hoping that there's some more experienced people with these feelings