My “friends”
26F. At this point I have no friends.
My closest friend (the only one who saw me 1:1 anymore) ghosted me and our friend group. Which led me to spiral and understand where I went wrong but everyone said I didn’t do anything and it’s just her. Shit pisses me off because all I did was be accommodating to her and she didn’t care for me clearly. Which leads me to believe I’m just off putting or too much. I tried so hard to set up a trip to a nearby city we both wanted to go to and she kept leading me on and then finally said she couldn’t do it.
Other remaining people in the group, they only ask me to hang in a group setting, never 1:1, when I’ve tried to set up 1:1 many times. Last time I saw one of them 1:1, I suggested a trip to that same nearby city. Their response: “yeah we gotta see, might be hard to get everyone together”. Now they’re going to this city this weekend to see a friend. Which is fine but clearly it’s not that hard to get there and everyone knows that.
And then a new acquaintance: hung out a few times, met over a similar interest. Tried to hang out a few more times after that but she was always busy and I get the sense since she has a lot of friends she wants to please them but I clearly don’t have enough of a connection yet for her to prioritize me which is fine but I’m trying to get to know her better, she just says “but we should hang out soon!” Which at this age I know she’s just saying to be polite. Because she’ll never suggest a time she isn’t busy, it seems to be on me, which is what I did for the other friendship I got ghosted from. Oh and she’s also going to the same city this weekend. So it keeps feeling like a punch in the face.
Other friends from grade school or college just faded away or they ghosted me at some point. I was really hoping for the new friend to be better since my bf says I should get better friends but it’s hard. No one wants to get to know me better even though I’m dying for a real friend.
So I fantasize about being famous and having fake friends, although they’re fake, at least I’d have someone to do something with. And I can’t go everywhere I want to by myself it’s not safe.