Two and a half months ago my mom was diagnosed with the classic stage IV pancan metastasized to the liver.
I tried so hard to keep up hope. Hope the folfirnox would work. Hope she’d get better. She only ever got worse.
A few days ago she entered hospice. Watching her struggle to speak, have hallucinations, moan in pain, and not be herself is absolutely heart shattering.
I recorded her saying she loves me. Had talks with her about how she should regret nothing despite being a woman of many regrets. Tried to help her with anything and everything. Assured her my sister and I are going to be OK.
I feel like the hole in my chest is being filled with anger. Anger towards the healthcare system for existing the way it does in the U.S. She showed symptoms of the cancer months before it got diagnosed but refused to pursue anything out of fear she’d get billed 10k for a scan. Anger towards tobacco’s existence. Anger towards cancer’s existence.
What an absolutely despicable and barbaric disease.
I wish all of you patients and caretakers the best.
Record your loved one ASAP. Don’t forget how their voice sounds in the future.
Assure them they were and will always be loved.
And if there are any random lurkers here that are here just because… Be afraid when a loved one has mysterious symptoms.