u/Business-Pie-5570

My Office Cubicle Wants to Eat Me Part 1 : r/TalesFromTheCreeps

I was able to read through this next email quickly, the ones following are longer which requires more time to shift through them. I am also going through some life changes at the moment, and uploads may be more spaced together. My friend does not seem well in these emails. Idk, I am trying to figure this out.

Email #2

Hi team,

Per my last email,

I know many of you are on your lunch break right now, however that is irrelevant. I only hope to save as many as I can before I am gone. I have scheduled all of these emails to be sent at 5:01 PM. The AI shuts off at 5PM on the dot. You should all see this first thing tomorrow morning. I am not proud of what I had to do in order to gain this privileged information, but I am just trying to make things right.

When the AI shuts off, no correspondence sent thereafter is detected by the system, meaning He won’t know about these emails. Nobody can speak of this. Everyone has to work a normal day in the office. Do everything the same way you would on any given day, including bullshitting off. Yes Marcus, the AI knows you jerk off every day at 1PM right after you clock back in from lunch. Do everything the same, because if the AI detects odd behavior, it may be too late. I am getting too far ahead of myself. See more in the next email.

The outline of its mouth is beginning to sprout. It reminds me of my wife when she was in the third trimester. My wife… It’s funny, I will be retired before the day's end, but I haven’t felt this alive in what is likely decades.

Its tongue is making the cubicle fabric wave back and forth.

Let me know if you have any questions, concerns, or need any additional information.

Thank you and have a great day!:)

Robert.

I work from home as a resale chemical salesman; my coworker sent a number of emails all sent at 5:01 PM, I discovered them this morning. I wish to share with all of you here. He was a good man, but his writings are nonsensical, it is as though he lost his mind. I haven't read all of the emails yet. I am hoping for answers. If anyone has heard of something like this, office psychosis? idk. the first Email is below:

Hi team,

As you know I am retiring today. I am unsure if I could convey all that I want to say in a single email. We can circle back on that though. First things first, internal correspondence on the matter of our new ERP system. I am ultimately saddened to let go of Traverse and move towards Infor, but AI applications will help our workflows, efficiency, and productivity overall. The next agenda piece, the fluorescent lights have shined on me one last time.

I remember when I started here, all those years ago. The light above me has mold in it. I never progressed higher than middle management to justify my own office. I have been in the same cubicle for the last, oh I don’t know. It's been a long time. I will be sad to leave it behind. This retirement ultimately was not my choice, but who needs middle management when our AI overloads can enslave us further.

Listen, enough with the shit. I suppose it doesn’t matter how I try to convert what I actually want to say to what is appropriate for work anymore. Tick, tick, tick. The office clock ticks away and for what? There is nothing left for me. Let me relay to you, my faithful employees, how my last conversation with the Executive went.

“Hi sir, the ERP system implementation has progressed to where my team and I feel comfortable with our current go live date.”

“Let us circle back on that. Robert, in an effort to be proactive and move the needle, we have chosen that it is your time. Thank you for being so devoted to our vision.”

“But… I am not ready”

“Get out.”

I am not even 65 years old yet. I don’t remember how old I am, but surely not that of retirement age. Although I am the first one expected to go, best believe I won’t be the last. I pray that whatever comes after has more to what this job has provided.

tick, tick, tick.

It is currently 10:13AM. I will be gone in less than 7 hours. So, what has this all been for. The bottom line I suppose. I did not live, but I will die. I can see the blank spot in my cubicle move, like a baby in the womb.

The Devil wears a Suit and Tie.

God has abandoned me.

Let me know if you have any questions, concerns, or need any additional information.

Thank you and have a great day!:)

Robert.