u/BunnyLady91

I have been getting irritable an hour or two before dinner time. I don’t know what will fix it other than well, dinner time.

I haven’t restricted like this in quite some time and my kids are older now. I do what I can to comfortably have a “normal” dinner with everyone to not let it show that I’m ocd mathing everything that goes into my body. Scared to step on the scale.

I don’t know what to do.

I just took a cake out of the oven that I asked my s/o if there was time to bake it before he made dinner and he said yes. When it was done I told him I would leave the oven on and he said “ya, set it up to 400.”

He still hasn’t started cooking and it’s been about 20 minutes. I suppose he doesn’t see how desperate I am. It’s my fault. I should do better and just let this all go but I can’t.

I have masked anorexia amongst other problems with alcohol for 15 years. Every time I quit drinking I can’t eat. But I REALLY can’t continue on drinking, it’s getting scary bad and damaging my family.

Today before dinner all I had was an ensure for breakfast and an egg and mandarin when I got home from work.

I was making everyone corn dogs and fries for dinner but I was afraid to have more than one corn dog so I scarfed a can of sardines. I was also afraid to have fries so I had a bowl of peas and carrots instead.

After even logging some pb fit and unsweetened chocolate chips for a snack later my day was still under 800 calories and I have burned 2300 today already by 6pm (physical job.) I decided I’d better have a second corn dog to up my calories and not look too weird in front of my husband and kids.

I feel so full and terrible now. I had way too much at once.

I’m terrified of how this will progress, it’s gotten so ugly in the past.