Hey yall, not a huge reddit poster but don’t really know where else to go with this. 28M here, working as a data analyst. I probably have a situation that most people would dream for. Mostly remote (though I do commute once a week and it’s like 1-1.5 hours away), plenty of PTO, good pay (about 90k after bonus), low-ish workload. Though I’ve had some issues working here with management and feel it’s sometimes too high pressure. I feel unfulfilled and socially isolated and completely incapable of handing the stress of it lately. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I feel like I don’t know if I’m the problem or if it actually is the job. It’s like my brain checked out before my willpower gave up.
I do relatively enjoy life and I don’t have a lot of stressors outside of this. I’m single, no kids, and live in an inlaw apartment at my parents house. I’ve done pretty well for myself: I have an MBA, almost 30k in my HYSA, and 65k in 401k so I do have a bit of cushion here if anything did happen. I’m just constantly dreading work and I’m just confused all the time at work which makes me fall behind on deadlines. It feels like a CONSTANT black cloud over me even when I’m not working. Like a consistent state of panic.
I do have an anxiety disorder and it’s gotten worse over the last couple of years. I am in therapy and I’ve tried a few meds over the course of 4 years and I didn’t really see improvement. I take 2-3 mile outdoor walks everyday too to help decompress. I feel like I’ve completely lost myself and have downward spiraled so much. I don’t think I’m built for corporate. I would love to help people in a meaningful way like become a Registered Dietitian or even a massage therapist. To help people feel comfortable and empowered in their bodies would be a dream of mine. But a part of me is scared to leave because obviously (as you can tell by my rambled jargon of craziness) I’m not in an incredible mental state.
Am I the issue or am I in a role that doesn’t fit me? I’ve been beating myself up because I know I have a role that people dream about and to want to give that up makes me feel ungrateful.