u/BulkySatisfaction205

So, I added an update to a post I made earlier about this but I’m really struggling and I want to make a separate post about this specific update.

After trying to get in touch with my dad’s half siblings to try to get info about his bio dad one of them messaged my sister to tell us that none of them are able to talk about it because their dad was a horrific, abusive POS and they’re all just now beginning to be able to move on and heal because he’s dead. She told my sister that he was “wickedly abusive” to them and their mother, a raging alcoholic, and described him as DISGUSTING and EVIL in all caps, and said we’re lucky to never have known him.

And now I feel… gross. I feel horrible for bothering these poor people by bringing up this man they’ve been traumatized by. I am so sad I’m not biologically related to the man I grew up with as my grandpa, who was loving and kind and so involved with us. I am horrified to be related to someone described as evil. I regret ever taking the DNA test and poking into this. I just feel so disgusted and guilty and sad.

I recently did an ancestry DNA test and through that/ a lot of sleuthing/ finally getting confirmation from my family I found out that my dad was the result of an affair my grandmother had. He has multiple half siblings and I have a bunch of half cousins. I’ve reached out to all of them. The only one who has responded told me that “their family has done extensive ancestry research and your name has never come up” and left it at that. We’re going to tell my dad soon and I thought it would be nice if his half siblings would be open to speaking to him. I know it’s a delicate situation and probably a shock if they didn’t know already, but her response was quite frankly so bitchy and cold it really bothered me. I’m going to stop reaching out to the family because I want to be respectful but I’m having a really hard time letting it go. It’s not my dad’s fault, or my siblings and my fault, and all I want is to learn about our family. I’m just… sad about it.

***UPDATE***

My sister got a message from one of the half siblings explaining why none of their family are able to help us- the man who was my biological grandfather was horrifically abusive. She said that he was a raging alcoholic, disgusting, and evil, and that we are lucky to never have known him. She said her children and her sister have all asked not be involved with this at all because they’ve all been through too much and that now that their dad is dead they have all been able to begin to heal.

I feel awful. I am so sad that I am not biologically related to the man I knew as my grandfather, who was all love and kindness. I feel awful for messaging all these people not knowing I was bringing up horrible memories for them. I feel freaked out about being related to someone who was described as DISGUSTING and EVIL in all caps. I wish I had never done that stupid DNA test and I wish I’d never dug into all this shit. I feel awful that I will never get to know these aunts, my uncle, or my cousins, because of this horrific man I’m related to. Fuck.