u/BroccoliKitchen3218

I froze up and stuttered and became robotic.

He has a wife and I have a boyfriend but I can’t handle myself around a middle aged man with boyish features and a full head of grey hair.

Might go on a small dose and I’m scared

Asterisk that this is likely only possible for those in major cities or traveling to them.

I’ve discovered a form of “art therapy” that does not feel dissimilar to a sauna/cold plunge experience, or stepping into the cold following hot yoga. It’s useful during a period where you may be unable to parse your mood, your identity, nothing seems balanced. Or you are simply numbed out.

Find a large museum with at least one Rothko painting. Large enough that the crowds are generally clustered in a couple of areas of the museum. The modern wing will be sparse, even on a weekend. Those that are there will be far quieter than in the rest of the building. National Gallery of Art, Pompidou, Tate Gallery, MoMa, Art Institute of Chicago all great choices.

Identify the busiest wing. This will typically be where your impressionist or earlier contemporary works are located. Or a special exhibition. Wherever the “must see” artwork is located. Where everyone has their phones out and nudge each other out of the way for a half step closer. Maybe I’m overly sensitive but this overstimulates me and I come close to having a panic attack. Allow yourself to feel this. Be angry, anxious, however any negative emotion materializes.

Find the Rothko. Get close to it, as much as the museum allows. Stand there and stare at it for a good 5, 10, 15 minutes. Disassociate. Eventually the colors and the transitions between them, the layers, they’ll start to vibrate around you. They’ll resemble the floaters in your eyes after you rub them or have just woken up. You’ll melt into it. Zen.

If it doesn’t speak to you, that’s fine. Take a wander and sit with other modern pieces. Just make sure you give yourself at least a minute with it. Don’t take it at face value and try not to fall into thinking “I could’ve made this” or “this is such a stupid painting”. In fact, don’t think! Stand, stare, reverberate.

Take a walk, allow emotion to wash over you. Cry if you want. Let your feelings attach nonsensically to art that probably wasn’t meant to draw it out at all.

Then reenter the rest of the museum with the throngs of people and be at peace in the chaos.

It’s like they use literally any excuse to throw that shit on

Are they getting paid extra for this?

She said that if I had BPD I would think everything I am doing is justified in some way and that there is nothing wrong with me. I understand that it is a spectrum, but I still have my suspicions. I’ve never done anything altogether damaging (never threatened harm to myself or others although I’ve self harmed in a way that is very obvious to try and garner sympathy along with developing an ED for similar reasons) but I have had the urge to. Is it true that if i am able to stop myself despite the compulsion that i am not borderline? In addition to this I’ve got the fear of abandonment,

extreme mood shifts throughout the day, constantly changing self image and impulsive behaviors. The emotional sensitivity is so bad, I take the most minor Inconsequential interactions and turn them into a narrative that the person hates me . Or I am criticized for a simple mistake and break down. So I’ve not done very well job wise .

Barry Lyndon is my favorite movie so I downloaded the Thackeray novel and am halfway through in 4 days. A recent record for me. I really love an unlikeable protagonist/unreliable narrator. I’ve tried to read a bunch of other stuff (physically) but struggled. The one novel that I successfully completed and greatly enjoyed was The Radetzky March by Joseph Roth.

I’ve got White Noise and it’s interesting but I feel I need a few more straightforward page turners before I can enjoy something postmodern.

Historically my favorites have been The Stand, Cannery Row, and Fathers and Sons.

Would it suit me to continue with novels that have been adapted into my favorite movies? For example, The Piano Teacher

100 years, one generation, and two continents later, austro-Hungarian snobbery still lives on….

Had been a while without reading as I didn’t have the proper glasses (turns out my eyes look in different directions and needed prism lenses) so am out of practice. I was so opposed to using a screen to read and kept buying up used books but struggled to keep up with them. I gave in and the backlight, ease of holding it and ability to look up definitions makes a world of a difference. I am forced to eat crow on my Luddite ways.

It may also be because i am reading the book that my favorite movie is adapted from, so I already have a vested interest and sort of know what will happen (though it is from a different narrative perspective and there are many more characters that were simplified into one in the film) . Column a column b. I’m mortified and disgusted with myself

I was editing my letterboxd top 4 and realized that 3/4 came out in this year.

In one single year you had:

- Nashville

- Barry Lyndon

- Picnic at Hanging Rock

- Jaws

- Dog Day Afternoon

- Death Race 2000

- Shivers (Cronenberg debut)

- Daguerreotypes (maybe not most well known on this list but I love it)

- Deep Red

- Mirror

- Jeanne Dielmann

- One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest

- Rocky Horror

Imagine living through this year as a film lover. Nothing would live up to that, I don’t think. 1997 was pretty stacked too though.