So i went no contact with my mother over 5 years ago. And things were great. I went to therapy, i blocked her on everything (not including her phone number, i’ll come back to that) i made a previous post almost a year ago when i received a letter from her. All she said in that letter was calling my brother a junkie and being mad at me cause I didn’t see her at a festival.
So back to why I didn’t block her phone number. I always hoped she would go to therapy herself and deal with her shit. And maybe i was hoping for an apology. I know i did this to myself but now she’s asking me via text if i go to the same festival again this year cause she will be there as well.
Last year I didn’t see her there but I’ve recently come to discover that my bf and father saw her there. And they knew that it would fuck me up if i saw her. So they didn’t let me get drinks at the bar for the rest of the night (cause she works there behind the bar) i am really grateful for that.
But the thing is: 1 I don’t know if i should go to the festival cause she’ll be there (maybe walking around this time) 2 i do want to block her phone number as well cause she’s dragging me down again. Everytime i think about her or receive a message i can feel myself mentally taking a step back. I guess i’m back where i started.. 3 I can’t give her up cause the little girl in me still needs her mommy even tho she’s so fucked up.
I know i should probably go to therapy again. But im just curious if someone had the same situation and tell me how you dealt with it. Cause i’m lost al over again. Everytime i think for one second about her, i feel like shit for at least an hour.
Sorry for all the word vomit 😅 but i’m just lost all over again. I haven’t told anyone yet, because i’m a pretender. I always pretend that i’m fine even though i might not be.