Out of all the bad things that happened, the only memory from that night that I constantly revisit is us reading comic books together for the first time in 8 years. The sound effects of the helicopter that I tried to do and how we laughed so hard after I tried. Point is, I'm not dwelling on the bad memories anymore. I revisit the bad only to learn what -I- could have done better, but I don't dwell on it or look for ways to blame you. All I think about are the good memories now. I've spent the last 6 months reflecting, 3 months of your silence is what it took to break that mask you said I wore. I can finally see the person who destroyed you, and I don't blame you for not wanting to see her again because neither do I. I know it's too late, but I finally see what you so desperately tried to tell me. I'm a narcissist. I spend hours playing this game called "life", just to delete, restart and repeat. You always told me, that being aware is the first step. You're so far ahead now that I may not be able to catch up, but I want you to know that if all I can reach is your shadow then that's where I'll be. Just incase you notice, and take a step back to grab my hand again. I love you, and I always will. No matter how far away you are, no matter the amount of time we spend apart. You told me you wish you never met me, and to never talk to you again.
I'll respect your decision, I'm finally listening & I'll drown in your silence taking all accountability with me.