Mother’s Day
Today is a difficult day. As I (29,Female) was sending my mother in law and step mom Mother’s Day messages (thankfully they’re both wonderful), the underlying guilt rose back up again.
I currently have my birth mother blocked. I mourn the loss of relationship with my birth mother periodically. I’ve accepted that I may never see her the same again. When I was a child, I saw her as the best mom. It wasn’t until I was in my teenage years that I realized I was the “acting” mom of my household. I held the responsibility of taking care of her, my brothers and household pets etc etc.
I never realized how much resentment I grew towards her until I slowly started to pull back and focus on myself. I fell in love, moved out and embraced my boyfriend’s family as an extension of my own. Being around his Mother and Father showed me what I was missing and longing for. I tried for years to help my Mom (she struggles with mental health and substance use). In my opinion, she’s a liar, manipulator and emotional abuser.
Have I tried to *very kindly* explain to her my feelings? Yes.
Is my communication style very passive?
Yes.
I’m an extremely empathetic person and I don’t want to hurt her. She’s constantly telling anyone who will listen how painful it is to not have her daughter in her life. I’m the asshole for not allowing her have a relationship with me.
I’m already slightly regretting this post. I’ve drafted and deleted posts in this subreddit countless times. I’m not sure why I felt the need to post this but I did end up sending her a text that read: “happy Mother’s Day 🌸”. I didn’t send it for her, I sent it for my own peace of mind.
Can she respond? No.
Do I feel better? Yes.
I’ve put in work, she continues to make the choice of staying the same and blaming others.
Anyways, thanks for reading if you did. Very few people in my life will ever understand or relate to my feelings.