u/Breffni_Girl

I (19F) have been working a senior admin position for a company for the last 2 years, having started on an internship. Love my colleagues, love working there, got a promotion 6 months ago and all going really well.

2 weeks ago a new colleague (36M) started and I was moved into an office with him. There is no-one else in the office. There is a crossover between our jobs and I am supposed to be learning from him because I am studying in his field.

All went well for the first 2 days, and then I started to get really uncomfortable with him. He keeps getting up and coming over to my desk and leaning right over me to 'look at my screen'. Or else he crouches right down beside me so he is on the same level as me and our faces are so close. He has also asked me over to help him 'format documents' and wanted me to use his mouse etc, if I do as he wants our bodies are basically touching each other. We always keep our office door open but one morning last week he closed it twice. I got up to go out on an errand each time so I could come back and leave it open. Then he closed it a third time and came over to my desk, put one hand down on the desk and leaned right over me, he is a good bit taller so his body was right over mine. My phone rang and I grabbed it and answered it. I would barely look at him after and am being very cold and abrupt with him in the hopes he will get the message and back off. To be clear, he has never said anything; he has never touched me deliberately, but once or twice brushingly.

If he was a colleague on a different team I could get on with it and avoid him as much as possible, but we are supposed to be working on a number of projects together, and he is always so keen for us to have '2 of us together time'.

I am so uncomfortable and tense, feels like there is a huge knot in my chest. Since I got the vibe off him, I haven't relaxed once while he is in the office. Even when I come home or on the weekends, I can't get it out of my head, I am so anxious and getting stress patches on my skin. I dread going into the office every morning. There have been 3 days where he is not in the office, on those days I am fine but dreading if he comes in in the afternoon.

I told my boss (43M) at the end of last week. I explained that I was uncomfortable due to how physically close this employee gets, but didn't go into much detail. I kind of froze up when telling him, it not being the easiest thing to explain. He suggested I could move desk but that it wouldn't actually address the problem. He asked did I want him to speak with the employee, I said maybe but would it just make things more awkward. He asked could I say it to him myself, I said I wouldn't be comfortable doing that but he (my boss) didn't understand that. The way we left it was that he would think about it and talk to me early this coming week.

Any advice welcome please. Am I being sensitive or is it reasonable? What should I be looking for here as a response from my boss or what is the best thing to do? I don't honestly think my boss understands how I'm feeling etc as a young woman. He basically said to me there was nothing definite to go on and implied I'm making a fuss over nothing. He also seems to think that if someone says a little something to this guy that it'll all be fixed. I tried to explain that from my perspective I will still not be comfortable with or trust this guy at least for a while, once you get this energy from a man it's not easy to be comfortable around him even if he starts acting normally.

I have never had this kind of a problem with any of my other coworkers in the 2 years. My boss also suggested doing a general talk for everyone, but I also want to highlight to him that I don't want to ruin the relationship with any of the other men on the team who I am close to and have a good relationship with. I would hate for them to think it was targeted at them.

I really just don't know what to do, or what kind of line to take with my boss in our meeting.