Life in late 20s, no actual friendship or relation. Huge financial burden. Messed up life.
Hey cocos. Hope you all doing fine. Recently had my bday, few more years for “Why god why? We had a deal”. Been having lots of thoughts and scenarios in mind lately so thought about posting here.
I was an introverted kid back in the days, raised by single parent, single child. Was okayish in studies, although no one to guide me after 12th so ended up doing a course which I had few idea about, couple of 9-5 jobs in last 5-6 years. Work life is fine, I don’t have too much pressure on me and teammates are really good, pay is also fine.
Had a relationship in the past. Lasted 2+ years, was good, then we ended it mutually after few issues. She’s still my friend, talks once or twice in year. Was in love with someone else after that, didn’t work out. Basically a right person wrong time situation.
I used to be a top kid among classmates, friends and all. I had better knowledge in most of the things, I was smart, didn’t spoil life even when I had all the freedom, but life took a different turn very slowly, in the past few years. Things started when I went jobless for almost a half year, was living away from house. So with no income/salary, I did freelance works, was okay for the first 1-2 months, but then cash flow stopped slowly. I took few small loans, paid them back in time and closed. Got some money from works again, started trading, and u know almost all lost in few weeks. Again took few loans, paid emis, got a new job, but the burden of loans and emis kept coming on and on. Had a medical emergency in family during the time. Had to borrow money from friends and family, paid them off also in a while.
But the same time loan apps numbers increased, paydays loans were my next option, and all of a sudden in last few months, my expenses including emis, loans, debt and all have crossed way over my salary. I asked banks, private lenders, family and friends for a debt consolidation structured help, if I get an amount enough to pay off these loans, I could then just pay the remaining big one month by month and be okay. But didn’t help yet.
Now there are 40-50 calls everyday in my phone, from loan agents, I spoke to some and asked for few more days, started doing freelance again, looking to make as many income sources I could cos I just don’t want to give up on life yet. I’m in a stage where I can’t even tell my family or friends what’s the total debt cos they’ll be shocked, so I just said a lower amount than that. I wish I could someone everything and how it happened without them judging, but all I get is how did u manage to make this much debt in this age. Ik I fucked up, but asking this doesn’t help me in any way. But can’t blame them as well.
I know comparison is the theft of joy but seeing everyone around me doing fine makes me kinda sad tbh. The ones who I grow up with, are getting better jobs, getting married to their loved ones, leading family life now, yet I’m here in a position where I can’t even lead my very small family now. In fact I had to borrow money from them several times. I don’t think there are many people who still believes in me.
I hope things will get better, will find a way out of this, even though I asked for all the help I could without getting much, hoping for a better day, to make something work out. Cos if it doesn’t, I don’t know what I can do. Mentally I was very weak a month before, but I got the confidence back now to somehow find a way out of this even though idk how, but have to do it anyways. So here I’m trying to push myself against all odds.
Just wanted to tell everyone that please take care of your life, be always have a plan about future, be cautious, don’t fall into traps or get spoiled.