How to not resent other couples and their babies?
My husband (37M) and I (35F) chose to tfmr for spina bifida myelomeningocele in December. We don’t have any kids yet. This was our third pregnancy, the first one that we reached the second trimester. To say we were devastated is putting it mildly. Our son was so wanted and desired, and still is so loved. Having to make this decision broke my soul in ways I am not sure I’ll ever recover. But I don’t regret it. I know my decision was made out of love and that I was trying to protect him from a life with a disability that would bring him so much pain and suffering (surgeries, procedures, limitations, countless therapies)…
My sister and brother in law (my husband’s brother) were pregnant at the same time we were (they were 5 weeks ahead), also with a boy. The live in another country, so it’s not like I have to seem the frequently, but they are a pretty close-knitted family, and do almost weekly FaceTime sessions (my MIL, FIL, my husband, his brother, and the wives). Well, ever since everything happened I have avoided these sessions and my husband has been respecting it (making up excuses as to why I can’t join). When my SIL was pregnant and I wasn’t anymore was already painful. Now that their son was born and my arms are empty, it’s torture. It’s like a front-row seat (via FaceTime) of the life I should be living… the life I desperately wanted to be living. And I don’t want it… I don’t want to witness it, I don’t want to hear about how cute their baby is or the milestones… I don’t want to see pictures… I don’t want to see how happy they are and how the whole family is falling head over heels for the baby.
I know it’s horrible to say these things… and I know I’m wrong and that the family loving this baby is obviously expected and a good thing… but I still don’t want to see it and be around it.
Has anyone ever faced something similar? And were you ever able to not resent other couples with their perfectly healthy babies?