u/BotoxMoustache

Made it through. The prep stage was much better than my last gastroscopy and colonoscopy 7+ years ago.

Very glad I drank heaps of water once I started the prepkit. Doctor’s report said bowel prep was good. I don’t know what his scale is - maybe there’s a very good and excellent?

Found oesophagitis and mild Schatzki (sp?) ring and a hiatus hernia. I think this is hereditary as a parent had the same thing. Has anyone else dealt with this?

Incidental finding is that I almost certainly have sleep apnea and need a sleep study. Maybe that’s why I’m exhausted all the time.

Overall, I am grateful for an efficient process and professional and kind care from nurses and doctors.

TW: sadness

Up front, I acknowledge I’m feeling sorry for myself, and I will get perspective in time. But one of the things I’ve learned in the last few days is that I need to take better care of myself, and part of that is acknowledging my feelings as valid.

I had a couple of medical procedures today that required a few days of preparafion, including reduced food and fluid intake and fasting. I’m home now, the post-drugs euphoria and joy at being alive has worn off and I am feeling sad and alone.

Generally I am happy to live alone. My home needs a good clearout and clean (currently dealing with an extended period of depression - I could have posted this on a few other subject subs!) but I like my space and peace and quiet. And it’s much better than living with an abusive, selfish partner. IYkYK.

That said, coming home and being alone tonight is tough. I was so focussed on the preparation that I didn’t heed my inner prompting to prep a meal for tonight and now I can finally eat… I feel like I let myself down. I’m hungry, it’s too late to shop and I can’t drive even if the shops were open.

I had to have someone pick me up from hospital and pretend I was staying at their house tonight. I’m fortunate that I had a few people I could ask but it wasn’t straightforward. First choice had to pull out as they had agreed to help another friend with something today. Second friend didn’t answer when called and I had to wait for hours… Didn’t think that would be a problem but it was. It turned a morning stay into a full day stay and I was even more tired and hungry. The nurses felt sorry for me,’like a kid whose parents didn’t come to pick them up.

It’s a call to action for me to look after myself better, to be clearer about what I need, to build a community (if possible at my age). And to plan for the future. I need things like a hospital bag. An advance care directive. A responsible friend. A will. And to not delude myself that having a partner would mean all this was necessarily better or easier.

I’d really appreciate hearing what others do. And basically I need a hug from internet strangers.