My awakening at 20 years old
I am now 22 years old, but the last couple years haven’t really gone to plan. To give a little bit of context I was a world class athlete. I played baseball and I was on track to become a professional baseball player. Then one day it felt like my brain, in a figurative sense kind of popped open. I got new thought patterns, new emotions, new perception, a new way of thinking, and I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t consciously choose this to happen to me. It randomly just happened to me and I have no idea what to do when my identity changed. My relationships changed, everything about me changed. The hardest part was that my family and friends didn’t even recognize me anymore and I didn’t recognize myself.
It took me a long time and I’m still having a hard time honestly because my dream at at a young age was become a professional baseball player and I spent all 20 years of my life working on that goal. It felt like one day my brain switched or my soul left and I got a new soul and I became awake. I’m super aware and conscious about everything now and I’m always in my head. I never do any drugs. I never do anything like that, but I would just hear so many different voices in my head all telling me to do different things and I had no idea which one was right. I had a terrible relationship with God because I thought “why would you punish me this hard” why would you take me 18 years of constant work and strip it away over thing I wasn’t consciously controlling.
I have such a hard time thinking about my past identity, but it is impossible for me to go back to him because I no longer possess the thought patterns, perception, and the subconscious program that I was running.
This whole journey has been insanely painful and me being still so young has made it really hard for me to fit in with my peers. It has led me along the path of finding out the truth and secrets of the universe. To better understand about why this may be happening and what I can do to help others who may be going through something similar and to figure out what really is going on in this reality.
I’ve been able to get super deep into meditation, lucid dreaming, and Astral Projection my whole life without trying. It kind of just happens for me and I don’t know if that’s a luck of the draw for me or other people have the same skill , it’s just the firewall that’s blocking them. My entire purpose right now is to really understand what happened to me and how I can use it to my advantage to really get clarity on the past because it was so painful for me. I’ve been trying to research a bunch of universal secrets and ways to get back on track so if there’s any tips and tricks from people that would be greatly appreciated.
I am about to graduate college. I’m about to start what people call the real world, the matrix. I know what I want deep down, but it feels like the universe isn’t responding in the time frame and goals I have.
I’ve done a really good job of consciously choosing the thoughts that I want, but I feel like there’s a missing a trick to really understand what’s been happening and to use it to my advantage.
I could go into a lot deeper about my story, but I don’t think it as necessary. Just know that I’ve read every single self-help book, every religious text, and tried everything you can possibly think of to figure out what happened and what lessons I can take from it to achieve anything I want in this life.