I am so close to packing in breastfeeding
Baby is 12 weeks, and we have honestly been so so lucky with breastfeeding. He latches well, has gained weight beautifully and is soothed any time a boob is near. In so many ways, it is so easy and lovely and I am so glad that I stuck with it through those tricky early weeks.
But I just wish it didn't always have to be me. He is basically only soothed by me at the moment, and actually just seems to scream constantly if I'm not around. I am the only one who can feed him (we have had VERY limited success with a bottle so far). I have done every night wake up since he was born. He is strapped to my chest pretty much 24/7 and I feel trapped by it.
My partner was able to stay up until midnight last night playing computer games and I feel so jealous that he can do that. In the meantime, I went to bed with baby at 8.30 and had already been up with him once before partner came to bed. And thats not to say my partner isn't helpful and isn't trying, he absolutely is, but its distressing for all of us how upset baby gets if he isn't with me. I also know that all of this behaviour is developmentally completely normal, but tricky.
I can't help but feel that if I wasn't breastfeeding, some of this would be easier. It wouldn't have to be that gets up at night. I would be able to leave for an hour or two and know that at the very least baby wouldn't be going hungry because he would take a bottle. It breaks my heart to think about giving up on breastfeeding because I love it so much 90% of the time, but it is just getting SO hard to not have any alternative.