u/Bnavis

i hate how much i desire the dogshit experiences that teenage girls had. i'm actually 25 and still yearning for an imagined experience from a composite of media and the idealized view of events i got wind of from the few foids who would talk to me about things like that when i was 18.

having a "girls night" both validates my current experience while also making me feel how different i am from actual women. i want to do girly things. i just cant because i have massive shoulders and a consistently deep voice and generally look like a fag man.

how to stop yearning for experience you will never get. i'm currently trying alcohol and paradox games which make me feel like even more of a man.

at least i have a cis woman to talk to who i havent scared off yet

i was so expressive and emotional when i was younger. i used to cry all the time because i felt so much. and then one day i realized that wasn't something a boy could do so i learned to repress my emotions and feel deep shame for having them and to never show anything to anyone ever.

if i was born a girl i would have been cared for instead of ostracized for being emotional. i never had a chance to be normal did i