When I was 18-22 I had a very strong self-concept. I knew what I liked and why I liked it. I knew what I didn't like and why I didn't like it. I had an idea of what I wanted to do in life. I felt alot more braver to step out and do things that would put me in discomfort but make me grow personally, professionally or help me gain experiences in life. However, the older I turn, the more unsure I am getting about things.
I still have a strong core sense of self when it comes to my beliefs and values but I feel like life has made me really uncertain about things. A couple of examples:
- I got a degree in molecular biology and have always loved research but for financial and mental health reasons, I've taken a break from the lab and stepped into the world of 9-5's. I constantly feel unsure if I am doing the right thing by taking this time off or not. I needed this job since it pays the bills and I needed a job away from the lab and I'm honestly not that bad at it. But again, its not what I am passionate about and life has maybe made it so that my dreams have to be put on hold while I sort things out.
- I have always craved human connections and love making genuine conversation with people but the older I get, on one hand I have a deeper sense of appreciation for people since I get to hear their stories and journey in life (their passions and sorrows) and it makes me feel awe about the human experience. On the other hand though, I feel like I have been more uptight on what I think is wrong or right and what sort of people I want in my life and the sort of friends I want and hence I am so selective about the people I invite into my life that I only have a few friends. Quality over quantity any day, but I feel like this also makes me lonely because I constantly want more fulfilled friendships in life and yet find it hard to find people who are good and who align with my values...
- I always feel so scared and anxious about being an adult. I am 25 rn and I don't look, talk or dress the way I see people on social media. I feel like I am definitely in the journey of becoming my best version but I feel this pressure to be the best version already. I feel like no one appreciates the journey it takes to be your best version but rather just cast judgement if you aren't the best already.. or maybe these are just things I have internalised.
I feel very lost and unsure in my 20s and it makes me wonder, will I ever feel certain about anything? Will I ever stop feeling like I am a passive participant in life? Will I ever become easygoing about life?
I'm not sure if any of this made sense but if it did, I'd appreciate any advice and thankyou for reading my post :)