No Motivation
I was diagnosed with bpd last month when I was in the hospital after having a hyper manic episode. Not a lot really was going on when it happened. My roommate left and I have a bad habit of self isolating, I suppose. Going to work feels unreal, like I’m going through the motions. I’m not any good at my job anymore. Maybe I never was. I’m a teacher which makes self motivation, multitasking and creativity really important - all of which I lack at the moment. I just keep seeing all the people around me, even the kids in my class, how much they’re all achieving and I just go home, pace around senselessly, wrap myself in a blanket and force myself to go to sleep.
I know I need to just push through it and start doing the things I’ve stopped doing, but I always ask myself: “what’s the point?”
I can’t decide who I am, who I want to be, or what I really want to do. I feel so impossibly behind everyone else in my life and I’m 26 years old.
Has anyone been here? How do you get out of it? How do I motivate myself when I don’t care anymore?