Long-term networking and friendship building has been hard as a sober person
Hello, I’d love any advice people may have. I moved to Los Angeles right at the start of the pandemic and that made some initial networking very difficult. On top of that, I fell deeper into my addictions during this period.
Over the last several years I’ve gotten sober, regularly attend meetings, work the steps, etc.. but I’ve found it’s really made it difficult to deepen the relationships I’ve started. I don’t think anyone is doing anything maliciously or consciously but over time I’ve noticed.
I’ve met a lot of great people, done numerous follow-ups, hung out, go to see movies, and made several genuine friends. But when I volunteer at film festivals, attend networking events at fests my films play in, go to birthday parties for people, film live events, or similar things, I can’t help but feel like me being sober keeps a wall up. It’s like we can never really cut loose together. I tend to leave when things are done because it’s not always great for me to be around tons of using and after parties. Or if it’s something like a birthday party where everyone else is drinking, there’s always a vibe of “well he can’t join unfortunately…”, even if they mean well!
I’m not thinking of relapsing and I know it’s a good thing that I’m not making an ass of myself to these people either. But I do wonder when I see them post things from sets or group hangouts - perhaps it’s just FOMO - if they’ll ever be able to truly see me as someone they feel deeply comfortable with or be someone they want on set. Sometimes those wild nights do make people feel closer.
I trust they know I’m talented and smart and experienced, and I believe they truly do like me, and I’ll keep reaching out and trying to create new relationships. I know they respect me being sober and it’s not uncommon in town but I don’t know how to get around feeling like there’s something in the way of becoming someone who is a friend they think of when it’s time to staff a project or develop something.
Basically it’s hard to make new friends as an adult, which, duh.