A pick me girl is supposed to be someone who trashes other women to make herself look better to a group, usually men. But look at how the term is actually used now. A woman says something different, acts different, or doesn’t fit the mold and suddenly she’s a “pick me.” Then what happens? A group of women pile on, tear her down, and make it very clear they are not like her so they can look better and more acceptable. That is literally the same behavior. You’re still putting another woman down in front of an audience to elevate yourself. Calling someone a pick me while doing that does not make you above it. It just means you’re doing it with a different label.
The phrase has also turned into a lazy insult for anyone who doesn’t fit the expected version of femininity. Tomboy? Pick me. Doesn’t wear a ton of makeup? Pick me. Likes being around men more? Pick me. But not everything is some calculated performance for validation. Some girls just grew up around guys and feel more comfortable there. Some don’t relate to the whole soft, hyper feminine thing. Some have trauma and don’t feel safe or connected in certain female social dynamics. That doesn’t mean they’re trying to impress anyone. And honestly, it’s shallow as hell to tear down a woman just because she prefers the presence of “a brother” over “a sister.” That says more about your insecurity than her intentions.
And here’s the part people don’t want to admit. A lot of the girls screaming “pick me” are the ones trying the hardest to be picked, just in a different way. Same look, same makeup, same outfits, same personality template. It’s the cookie cutter, copy paste version of what’s socially approved. And there’s actual science behind that. People naturally conform to group behavior because it feels safer. It increases acceptance and lowers the risk of being rejected. So dressing the same, talking the same, acting the same is not some moral high ground. It’s another strategy to belong and be chosen, especially by other women in those groups.
So if your version of being a “girls girl” is publicly tearing down another woman for being different, you might want to rethink who’s actually doing the pick me behavior. 😉