u/BlackbirdMagic

Of course, J would rather pass more and I think I will with time and am certainly very privileged that I have passed as much as I do.

But I always thought I would never be happy until I stealthed fully.

In fact I face more transphobia than I used to because transphobes are getting better at spotting us and are willing to throw cis women who don’t meet their standards of femininity under the bus.

But being misgendered just doesn’t really hurt as much anymore. I can’t explain it, but it’s like their perception just doesn’t really matter. When it used to happen, I would feel suicidal and never want to go out.

Now it’s like I find it funny. Like if I was to tell someone else about it who accepts me as a woman about a cis man who misgendered me, he would just sound more and more ludicrous to the person I’m talking to.

I think it’s a combination of confidence, having a degree of passing but not being that attached to what people perceive me as.

I was in a pro-LGBT space of cis people and I just didn’t really care anymore if they thought I was trans. And they didn’t really care either. They respected me as a human being.

I felt able to be open about being a trans woman instead of this constant performance and it felt exhilarating,

Like I can connect so much better with this person because they know me. I’m not having to pretend I’m cis.

It’s like I can finally say what’s on my mind, set boundaries with people and do things outside of my comfort zone.

Now, don’t get me wrong. People not knowing you’re trans feels euphoric to but in a different way.

I think you can have the best of both worlds. There’s a world where you tell more people you’re trans and it feels genuinely amazing to have the confidence in your own self to tell them who you are. Then there’s the other world of being thought of as a cis woman and the thrill that comes with that.

Like yeh, I’ll do things to be more ‘passable’ or ‘attractive’ but that feeling of total liberation and congruity I believe comes mostly from inside.

I used to buy the whole horseshoe theory of “they are just like us but on the other side.”

No. They are not like us. They are not scared of us like we are of them. They are emboldened.

What I have found out through everyday life is that trying to reason with these people or any people voting Reform, or to deal with the way things are heading, is like trying to deal with a sabre tooth tiger.

You can beg a sabre tooth tiger for your life.

You can try to please both lunch (us) and tigers.

The tiger is still going to eat lunch.

If lunch scares tiger, tiger fucks off. If lunch tries to satisfy tiger, lunch is tastier.

But when lunch is a mouse, mouse isn’t going to scare tiger.

Because the government has said that tiger can roar menacingly, tiger can torture lunch, trap lunch from public life and withheld lunch’s dignity so lunch is driven to death before tiger can even lift a claw.

That’s what our cunt prime minister, prime minister of just Mingland now, thinks is decency to us.

And here we have centrist wankshites like Piers Morgan in the pen, mediating the ‘debate’ between lunch and tiger like Joe fucking Exotic.

The only hope if there is any, for mice (i.e minorities) is telling those Reform cunts to go fuck themselves before they gobble us up.

That’s us. Among a populace and an establishment who now think that putting skinheads and yobs in charge is the path forward for our country.

The reason we are where we are is because there is no shame in being a piece of shit towards trans people or different ethnic groups.

If there were no laws on murder, they would murder us.

We are where we are not because we call them ‘racists’ or ‘bigots’ but because no one tells them to fuck off. There is no shame for their actions.

If they don’t see you or I as human, then there is literally no point in ‘playing nice’ with them as if their intent to inflict grave harm on us can even be called ‘opinion’; it should be taken as a torturer’s opinion over their victim

If they could treat everyone else the same way they treat you or I, they would.

The only thing standing in the way of civil war in Britain is the law. Not morality. Deterrent.

As ‘Free Speech’ becomes ‘Free Action’, the best we can do on our way down the tiger’s throat is to let out a meat-spoiling cry so that he is left with an upset stomach.

STEM-led dictatorships like China may end up being one of the only places that doesn’t become ruled by primal brain.

A manager at a shop I work at knows my name but keeps calling me 'sir.'

I seem to pass most of the time, I transitioned a decade ago in my teens, so I don't normally get misgendered that often at all but this one has a thing against me in particular.

The first time he said it, I didn't pay any attention. Now he's started saying "That way Helena, sir" in front of others twice. I know now it's not just a mistake.

I have a very thick skin so I didn't really react to those comments either.

I don't understand what makes him think it's acceptable to say things like that.

There was another manager at the same shop who just randomly started calling me 'sir', I explained I was a trans woman and he backed off after that.

Maybe that's how this guy knows or maybe they're two people among a minority who see 5 foot 8 women as men.

The shop says it's LGBT inclusive and is in Brighton but has so far been a very toxic work environment.

Should I report him to the boss or speak to my union first and any advice?