Just want to start of my saying I do love and adore my in-laws and I don’t think there is deliberate malice behind this but in a world where this diagnosis can feel very lonely and it’s hard to talk to my husband, I feel the need to vent somewhere just to say out loud. I’m close with my in laws and my husband and I don’t hide our struggles. They’ve know we are struggling daily (3 years in) and that baby showers are a trigger for me.
My sister-in-law never knew if she wanted children then after hearing our news, decided actually she may do and as it can take time and be difficult she came off the pill. First month actively trying, she conceived and it’s twins. Boy and girl. Regardless of our rubbish situation I would never let that taint my sister-in-law’s beautiful news. I’ve shown happiness, asked questions and made it perfectly clear this is her time to have her happy baby bubble.
Today, I get added to a WhatsApp group by my mother-in-law. It’s just me, her and my other sister-in-law in. She typed up a big messages asking us to basically organise a 40-50 person baby shower for my pregnant sister-in-law.
It’s really really hurt me. I’m happy for my pregnant sister-in-law and regardless of my difficulties I would have gone to the baby shower but to ask me to organise it?
I feel my mother-in-law could have decided to plan it herself and fair enough ask me for some sort of help or carried out the same actions but send me a separate message to maybe say “it’s ok if you don’t want to, I just want you to feel included”. Just the expectation when she is fully aware of what I’m going through has beyond hurt me
My husband felt the frustrations for me but then also said as I’ve been selfless and shown happiness, it was provably his mother trying to include me. I struggle with this as I felt it could have been handled very differently whilst still including me. They are also far from stupid and I feel it’s an obvious situation to read. I can be happy for my sister-in-law without that equaling to me wanting to organise a huge bag shower? The two things don’t go hand in hand.
Thank you if you got this far xxx