Was looking though old photos of my now 7mo girl and noticed how when she was around 4-5months, all the pics shes smiling at me like im the love of her life. I dont take as much pics now but it feels like she doesnt really enjoy looking at me anymore. Shes so interested in the world around her. Which is a normal healthy development, but i guess i wasnt really mentally prepared for it. What are your experiences?
Background; first child, breastfeed on demand, shes eating both solids and BF now, we cosleep since birth, practice EC, babywear/i carry her everywhere, her naps are always with bodycontact, i always respond to her signals so she rarely cries unless she hurt herself. Her dad is the same; close, responsive, etc. We have fun, laugh, make jokes, sing, tell stories, explore... I am a bit stressed, often shallow breaths and try to keep my composure, my triggers and reaction happen inwards rather than outwarsa so im not a reactive person but i can kind of "shut down" if me and her dad get into a small conflict, although i try my best to stay in contact with baby.
So I imagine that she is safe and has a secure attachment thus far. But me being very worried about "messing her up", or messing up her attachment, i want to get a reality check from you guys if this is a thing or not;
She was playing with our cat who is so sweet, he lets her pull and drag his fur and he lies there and purrs. So i feel comfortable preparing breakfast in the same room while they play, not looking constantly at them. Suddenly she starts screaming/crying and the cat walks away. My instinct is that he must have scratched her. She cries the same cry as when she has hurt herself bad, so i pick her up and comfort her. But her reaction is to twist her body away like she doesnt want to be in my arms. This happened maybe two times before. And in that situation i get very confused because its like she wants to go down on the floor. I try first to put her in another position and breastfeed, which she does for a couple seconds until she cries more and twists away. I follow her lead and she wants to read her books that are laying all over the floor. We read, and i try to stay calm and warm, and shes a bit fuzzy, wanting to change books constantly. But shes really insisting on reading. After a while i try to pick her up, she protests loudly so we immediately go back down to the books and continue reading for maybe 5-10mim, changing books etc. I take an apple and give her some, she likes it and wants to read and eat a little. I try picking her up with the book so we can read while i hold her but she protests again so we go down on the floor.
So she/her body felt sensitive, like i couldnt even stroke her back she just shrugged so i let her be, while we read books. I saw a faint scratch over her eyebrow from the cat. Finally she was ready to be picked up and we eat some more breakfast in my arms and then i realized it was very much time for nap and she fell asleep as usual in my carrier.
Long text but basically i am wondering, is her desire to not be in my arms during her cry, a sign of something going wrong in our attachment?
It might sound silly but i kind of thought a secure sad child always wants to be in their mothers arms while crying. And i am scared these books are some sort of distraction she is going to, to escape something.
Idk maybe this is just me worrying and going down a rabbit hole of illogical thoughts.
Would really appreciate your experiences, thoughts etc.