I (29F) am finally starting to feel anxious because my parents are getting older. My mother is 59 and my father is 61. I grew up in a 2 parent household as an only child. Issues began to reveal themselves by the I turned 10 years old, my parents were going through infidelity on my father’s part. I found photos on our household computer of him cozy with another woman who is now his girlfriend, I brought it to my mother’s attention but I’m pretty sure she knew before I found them. My father began to sleep on the couch and wasn’t home a few days at a time whenever they would argue but he was present for every milestone, it was just strange that he would step out and come back whenever and it was normal for them. This was happening until I went off to college at 18. My mother called me a day after I got settled in my apartment, she asked me if I heard from my father and I said no and she told me all of his belongings are gone.
I just wanted to give a little background of how I grew up. I feel like I’ve been suffering with all of the trauma now that I’m older and I understand what was happening. My mother crying and lashing out and taking it out on me, them arguing, the pressure of me having to be strong during it, and the financial hardships. My parents are still legally married to this day but he lives with his girlfriend, all these years and I never met her which was my choice.
I grew up shy & sheltered with a lot of built of anxiety. Mother wouldn’t allow me to go anywhere with friends from school growing up, I feel like it’s made it difficult for me to maintain relationships the proper way. I didn’t have family members who were the same age as me so I hung out with the adults. I don’t have too many family members, my mom is an only child and only 2 out of 9 of my dad’s siblings have kids but they’re older or they just don’t come around for gatherings. Today, I’m still learning how to maintain friendships but I feel like my social awkwardness is ruining that for me because I always feel misunderstood. Naturally, I’ll shut down and just not speak to save the embarrassment or I just get nonchalant and act like I’m unbothered.
As of right now I am in a long distance relationship and I eventually want to move down south where he’s at because I’m tired of living this same life day by day and I actually met some pretty cool people whose hobbies align with my hobbies . Seeing the same stale area and seeing the same people is getting to me, before I met him I felt like I needed a change of scenery. I’ve been tip-toeing around this discussion with my mother due to guilt. I really don’t want to leave her here alone but I have to live my life. She has the idea in her head that I’m staying with her forever and I’m going to take care of everything and even take care of her. Which is making me feel super guilty and I shouldn’t feel like that because this is my life.
Anyways, I’m rambling. What I’m getting at is that the only 2 people I’ve been close with majority of my life are getting older and I’m starting to feel the pressure of what the fuck am I supposed to do once they’re gone? How do I manage everything by myself if they’re ever unable? I have nobody to turn to help. My father sat me down last year at dinner and had this discussion with me. He basically said he’s worried that I’ll be alone once they’re gone and it’s starting to really get to me because I feel like I should have had my own family by now.