Hey guys, I need your advice!
Today the thing happened that I kind of already knew but my avoidant ex changed her relationship status on Facebook. She had been going behind my back early last year, she had begun chatting with a guy through a game and I only found out by looking through her messages. She assured me he was just a friend.
I had pretty severe memory issues and overall my health was terrible so I brushed it off, never would I have thought after 8 years she would do something like this. My mom was murdered about a year prior and she was with me every step of the way, again I kind of never would’ve expected her to turn cold like this.
I didn’t even know what an avoidant was or know anything about attachment styles. We lived together until August last year, she kinda told me she had lost interest by May though and from what i understand it was due to my health issues and not being able to work.
But she wasn’t fully distant until I left the country to go back home to get some medical treatment. We were chatting albeit she was very distant for about a month then by October it became less and less. She did tell me I’d get another chance, but it seems it was all lies to make me hopeful.
I did chase in the beginning, I don’t think it was wrong - I mean who wouldn’t if you were never given a real reason and it was all so sudden? I then went no contact for 3 months, I tried reaching out here and there, she did respond sometimes but only to practical things since I left some of my stuff there.
Anyway, I can’t seem to let this slip, I made a promise to my mother that I’d marry her, we had so many plans for when I got better, it feels impossible to move on because of this. I’m not a person who breaks a promise, and I am not the type who give up easily.
I’ve improved a lot, and an avoidant can be distant easily online, but in person she was completely different. It was much easier to make her see a future together even though she had lost feelings at the time, she did say we could see when I had improved.
So my genuine question to y’all - If I show up in person, a significantly changed man from how I was before, and actually put effort towards showing her I can be the way I was before I fell ill, do you think there’s still a chance to save this despite her getting together with another guy? I can get time off next month and I would also go there because I have some stuff at her place anyway that I need to collect.