u/Big_Squirrel8808

So after what happend on the post I shared here some days ago, I left the house amd went NC.

Keep in mind that I have noone to stay and I came to mv dads gf house and I feel like a burden. Rents too high for me atm

Then my nmum texts me after a week.

Not even yesterday did you come. I’ve been waiting for days, I’m worried. I hope you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I don’t want to stay there anymore.”

“I understand. I know you have a lot of anger toward me, you feel hurt from a proposal you made me in the past. I realized that you didn’t feel the love I have for you the way you needed it. Obviously because of my mistakes and everything I carry inside me, maybe I didn’t know how to give it to you the way you needed. But I want you to know that I love you. I love you very much, and now I’m trying to learn myself, to become better for me, to save whatever I still can, for what we didn’t live together, for you, for George. Please don’t remove me from your life. If one day you want us to talk without defenses, without ego, without accusations, I’ll be waiting for you. I’ll always wait for you. I love you.”

“I don’t have anything to discuss, I just wanted a calm place to stay.”

“I’ve honestly been staring at this message for hours, writing and deleting and wondering. You want peace, but you were causing fights to punish me, not even wanting me to look at you or speak to you. Apparently you wanted me not even to breathe, not to exist. So let’s both calm down, because my own peace has been lost lately together with my dignity. I’ve suffered enough. My love for you is a given, but there also needs to be understanding. Every action brings an opposite reaction, Sofia. I won’t continue this anymore. We’ve already said enough (I listened) up close… Whenever and if you’re ready to see things from all sides and not one-sidedly, and you want to, you know where to find me. I love you — that is not negotiable, no matter how much you underestimated it….”

So she doesn't care where I'm living right now obviously. She doesn't care that I need her house.

I need some outside perspective because I feel really conflicted.

My nmum has a long pattern of using our dog throughout its life to emotionally manipulate and control me.

The dog was originally mine, but during my studies I had to leave her at my family home because I was living in student housing and couldn’t take her with me. That made my mum think it's hers and she didn't have in the back of her mind that when I finish I might get her with me.

Even a few days after the dog passed away, my mother started saying things like she “grieved her twice” because I had taken her away for a few months in the past, which felt like psychological pressure during an already painful time.

Can you recognise the parentification here or is it just me?

Instead of being able to grieve, I had to once again take the role of the “parent” in the relationship.

She reacted impulsively and wanted to throw away anything that reminded her of the dog without even asking me.

I had to follow her around to stop her from throwing things out that I wasn’t ready to let go of, which made my grief even harder.

So on top of losing my dog, I was also managing her emotional state like she was a child.

Now, even though we are barely speaking (living with her), she is asking me for a specific toy (she doesn’t even know what I kept).

I feel guilty for not giving it to her, but I don’t know if this guilt is actually mine. What would you do in my position? Would you give it to her, and if not, how would you handle it?

TL;DR: My mother has a pattern of emotionally manipulating me using our dog. After the dog passed, I had to manage her reactions while grieving myself. Now she’s asking for one of the dog’s toys, and I feel guilty but also pressured. Not sure if I should give it to her or not.

Honestly guys, how did you avoid ending your life? This shi is so hard to deal with.

I think I can't make it anymore.

I am posting this again because it's very important for me to get some replies.

I am new with AP and I had an experience which I think was it.

While I was sleeping or in the beginning stage of falling asleep (can't remember precisely), I was laying face down, and I felt an intense pressure on my back ,which was more intense on my upper back (it kind of hurt me), then I was flowing outside of my body. While I was flowing I saw in my room my dog in spirit which passed away 2 months ago. I could clearly see it's figure with white outline and it was flickering.

I was happy I saw her but also confused and scared because I didn't want to see anything else that was scary.

At some point I felt like I slipped and "fell" down on the floor (but still flowing) and came up again.

Then I was trying to move my body in order to come back,because I was scared. It took me 1-2 minutes to come back. And then I woke up.

There was one more night before that, that I felt this intense pressure on my back like someone is laying on it but I didn't let it proceed further cause afraid.

I also want to highlight that before sleep that night ,I talked to my dog in spirit,told her I miss her and love her so much, and I begged for a sign that she is ok and with me.

Was this Astral projection? And a sign of my deceased dog?

TIA

TLDR: While sleeping ,I felt getting out of my body and saw my deceased dog in my room, in spirit form.

Before sleep I asked for a sign of her.

​

I am posting this again because it's very important to get some replies.

I am new with AP and I had an experience which I think was it.

While I was sleeping or in the beginning stage of falling asleep (can't remember precisely), I was laying face down, and I felt an intense pressure on my back ,which was more intense on my upper back (it kind of hurt me), then I was flowing outside of my body. While I was flowing I saw in my room my dog in spirit which passed away 2 months ago. I could clearly see it's figure with white outline and it was flickering.

I was happy I saw her but also confused and scared because I didn't want to see anything else that was scary.

At some point I felt like I slipped and "fell" down on the floor (but still flowing) and came up again.

Then I was trying to move my body in order to come back,because I was scared. It took me 1-2 minutes to come back. And then I woke up.

There was one more night before that, that I felt this intense pressure on my back like someone is laying on it but I didn't let it proceed further cause afraid.

I also want to highlight that before sleep that night ,I talked to my dog in spirit,told her I miss her and love her so much, and I begged for a sign that she is ok and with me.

Was this Astral projection? And a sign of my deceased dog?tia

TLDR: While sleeping ,I felt getting out of my body and saw my deceased dog in my room, in spirit form. Before sleep I asked for a sign of her.

Edit:typo

I am new here and I had an experience which I think was AP.

While I was sleeping or in the beginning stage of falling asleep (can't remember precisely), I was laying face down, and I felt an intense pressure on my back ,which was more intense on my upper back, then I was flowing outside of my body. While I was flowing I saw in my room my dog in spirit which passed away 2 months ago. I could clearly see it's figure with white outline and it was flickering.

I was happy I saw her but also confused and scared because I didn't want to see anything else that was scary.

At some point I felt like I slipped and "fell" down on the floor (but still flowing) and came up again.

Then I was trying to move my body in order to come back,because I was scared. It took me 1-2 minutes to come back. And then I woke up.

There was one more night before that, that I felt this intense pressure on my back like someone is laying on it but I didn't let it proceed further cause afraid.

I also want to highlight that before sleep that night ,I talked to my dog in spirit,told her I miss her and love her so much, and I begged for a sign that she is ok and with me.

Was this Astral projection? And a sign of my deceased dog?