Im a fan of this authors books and i always thought the way he frames the trans and autistic experience is so accurate, both the highs and lows. and the horror elements always handled in a way of expressing that anger, sadness or pure hatred. Never have i felt that the horror was the goal here, it always feels like he wrote what he was feeling or what he knew would speak to others.
With that understanding i could always get thru the books. Feeling heard in some shape or form.
But with this one i didn't feel heard i felt like a spot light was pointed at me, forcing me to look at how i felt and understand what had happened.
It felt disgusting, in such a visceral way that i had to put the book down and haven't picked it up again since.
I want to keep reading it because i know it will help me come to terms with what has happened but at the same time i dont know if i can handle feeling too spoken too again.
i expect such great things from this book, a permeating voice despite the MCs inability to talk, a anger that fills me with righteousness and most of all the feeling of being seen of knowing people have connected with this literature the same way i have.
The longer i put it off the more i feel as if the things that have happened in the past have more control over me then i do.
Have you ever felt the same about a book?