Need advice about moving parents into assisted living
Hi, everyone. I'm new to the sub. My parents (both 90+) live on the other side of the country. They both have some serious medical issues. My mother has been experiencing a significant cognitive decline for the past 5 or 6 years, and my father has been her sole caregiver during that time.
My brother and I have talked with my father about the need for them to change their living situation. With my brother's help, my parents toured 5 or 6 facilities, and they had a favorable impression of some of them. My father understands that moving is (or in his mind will one day be) necessary. The problem, as I understand it, is my mother. My father is having a very hard time with the idea that he is now the one who must make this decision for the two of them. My mother can't really make decisions like this anymore or understand the situation. My father doesn't want to upset her or make her unhappy and angry.
I believe my father (and my brother and I) will simply have to lie to her. (You're going to visit this nice place for a little while, The electricians have to fix all the wiring in the house so you'll have to be out of the house for now, and so on.)
Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this? What can I say or do to make my father okay (enough) with lying to his wife? He has come a long way in accepting that they need to make changes, but I'm afraid this might be too much for him. But without it, I don't see how we can get them both someplace where they can be safe and comfortable.