My co-worker who knows that I'm married told me she had concerning health problems but really didn't.
I am a 31(M) and have been talking to a 30(F) coworker whom I’ve known for several years. In the beginning, we hardly ever spoke. However, after she was promoted to a lead role and I followed suit as a lead on a different team, our professional relationship became more frequent. We work in an office, and she had always been very professional; I never entertained the idea of anything other than a professional partnership. I knew she was married, and she frequently spoke about her husband when we collaborated.
Something changed recently. For context, I had been teleworking for almost five years before all employees were recalled to the office. A few months ago, I noticed that she wanted to collaborate on projects and ask for my advice much more often than usual. We went from speaking maybe three times a year to speaking every day. When I eventually asked about her Valentine's Day plans, she revealed she was no longer married. This took me by surprise, but I didn't pry into her personal business, as I didn't think it was appropriate at the time.
As the months passed, we became very friendly, added each other on social media, and talked almost all day on Teams. I noticed a change in the atmosphere, but I assumed she respected the fact that I was married. To be honest, I liked the attention. Then, she shared the scary news that she might have cancer. This hit me hard because it was the same type of cancer I lost my grandmother to, and I felt emotionally attached to the outcome of her results. My wife was aware of the situation and even encouraged me to continue being a supportive friend during such a difficult time.
As our conversations became more personal, she admitted that an affair with a former coworker was the reason for her divorce. While I saw this as a red flag, I rationalized it as her having "lost herself" due to the stress of a potential cancer diagnosis. A few weeks later, while I was staying late for overtime, our conversations became deeply personal—not explicitly inappropriate, but the kind of intimate talk you would have when courting someone. Eventually, she revealed that after thorough testing, she didn't have cancer at all. I felt betrayed because she had known the results for months before telling me.
Shortly after, she began telling me that I am attractive and that my wife is lucky to have me. I was so nervous I simply replied, "You too." The tension between us is now thick enough to cut with a knife. I feel guilty for enjoying the attention and betrayed by her dishonesty regarding her health. Now, I try to avoid her at the office, but she always finds a way to communicate or stop me in person. While I find her attractive, my gut tells me she is "bad news" for my life and marriage.
I haven't told my wife the full extent of how much time we spend together. Although we believe in gender-equal friendships and loyalty, I feel I have betrayed her trust. I have decided to come clean to her. I have also taken steps to find a new job and am seeking counseling for myself, with the hope of attending couples counseling if my wife is willing. We never did anything physical, but I realize how easy it would be to "get lost in the sauce." I struggle with setting boundaries, and while I initially just wanted to be a supportive friend, I know I crossed the line into an emotional affair. I only hope she can find it in her heart to forgive me; she deserves much better.