I have four sisters, all beautiful. I’ve also had bad experiences with being compared to some of them growing up and by partners I’ve dated in the past. I caught one looking at one of my sisters and getting aroused around a decade ago. My recent ex partner would make comments on my oldest sisters body from time to time and would mention how he loves huge boobs (a trait she has that I don’t). Experiences like these have completely cemented into my psyche that I can’t feel safe bringing partners around my sibling, despite years of talk therapy around this subject.
Fast forward to now and I am in the most loving and safe relationship of my life. My partner has been there for me through hard life events and makes me feel so loved and supported. He has spent time around my family and gets along with everyone very well. These are some of the reasons why I’m terrified of sabotaging this relationship because my own trauma.
At the moment, my older sister is moving closer to us. I haven’t lived this close to any of my sisters since I was in high school. She is fully expecting for us to hang out all of the time, where I’m usually used to subjecting my nerves and insecurities to seeing her (or any of my sisters) during holidays and a few events throughout the year. The idea of her being right down the road is sending me spiraling in spite of our very close relationship. She has an amazing curvy body and is just gorgeous! I want to say, it’s not even that I have super low self esteem; I know I’m attractive although I have a different body type, more of a thin and athletic build. I’ve never had problems finding people to date/sleep with/fall in love with/etc (which makes me sound even more pathetic). I just cannot STAND the idea of my partner being attracted to any of my sisters or potentially thinking about them later or while we are intimate and it’s completely eating me up inside. It’s killing me that I even feel this way in the first place. I feel so ashamed, like a pathetic partner and a bad sister when my partner has been so great to me but I secretly pray my sister isn’t wearing anything too revealing any time we have to see her.
I’ve started some somatic therapy in regards to this recently but I’m terrified of this ruling my life, ruining my relationships, giving me anxiety attacks any time I have to be around any of my sisters and my partner simultaneously. I don’t want my confidence to depend on what they’re wearing or how hot they are. I’d love to hear how others have coped with this or even from some men who have found their partners’ family members attractive who didn’t feel ruled by it (just for some hope that not all men are like my previous partners…). Ugh thanks.