I (30F) recently had my engagement party with my fiancé’s family, then flew home two weeks later for a dinner with my side. I’d already been unsure about inviting my aunt, especially since she seemed unsure about attending. At dinner, within five minutes, my sister upset me to the point of tears. I mention this because my sister and aunt are very similar, and they were sitting together, which didn’t help.
I decided to use this dinner as a test.
Overall it was nice, and I did drink (I’m a lightweight and ended up drunk). But on the way home, I had a strong gut feeling that I didn’t want my aunt or sister at my wedding. I can’t fully explain it, just one of those instincts you feel strongly about.
I told my fiancé to remind me in the morning to disinvite them, but I knew I’d back out once sober because I tend to people-please. So that night, I sent a text: “you are not invited to wedding anymore.”
Afterward, my aunt called my grandmother, and my cousin (31F - we’ll call her CC) called another cousin (30M - we’ll call him Vader) to complain.
Somehow, my message got twisted into me “talking shit,” which I don’t understand since I sent it directly to my aunt and said nothing else.
Vader said my timing was bad since it was right after the dinner, and my fiancé agreed. But for me, the timing mattered because I wouldn’t have done it otherwise.
The next morning, I texted my aunt saying I feel was out of pocket the night before and that emotions were high. I didn’t apologize for the decision, but I wanted to talk in person to explain and reflect on whether my feelings were really about her or more about my sister.
She never responded. Later I learned she told my grandmother she blocked me and didn’t see my message, which wasn’t true because you can tell you’re blocked if your iMessages never show a "Delivered" or "Read" status underneath them and her message said “Delivered”. I let it go cause she chose to gossip instead of talk to me.
I reached out to CC to talk, but she refused, saying there’s no excuse for how I treated her mom. I respected that and left it alone. At this point, I’m over it, I’m not chasing conversations with people who’ve already made up their minds.
So, am I the asshole for uninviting my aunt to my wedding, officially?