I (25F) am a new teacher. I’ve just started at a school in April. I am a college student still working towards my bachelor’s in early childhood education. My classroom is mixed, ages 8-13. Some of my students are behind. And I’ve been battling behavioral issues since I started. I’ve worked with children professionally for over four years.
The school that I’m at is unconventional to say the least. It’s VERY small and VERY private. It is also a religious school so they don’t have to meet the same academic standards that public schools do. Lastly, the culture is unique because the majority of the students are all related. There are 14 students and 11/14 are family. I have 6 students, aged 8-13 years old. I’ve faced continued run ins with disrespect from almost all of the 14 students. (3 of them are under 5 and do not actually count lol.) There’s more to this story which has lead to extreme overwhelm for the unique circumstances that I’ve found myself in as a teacher here.
Today, a student hit me in the head with a scarf. It’s not a huge deal, although it was seemingly intentional. I did not get too bothered by it but I did address and correct her, guiding her to be mindful of her surroundings. About 10-15 minutes later, during a transition period. Me and the child were in close proximity. It happened pretty fast I’d say. But we locked eyes and she proceeds to swing her hand back and forward towards me, in a “pretend?” attempt to hit me directly in the face with the scarf. Kind of like a fake out?
I completely lost my mind.
I did put my hands on the child by grabbing her shirt and yelling directly into her face.
I am not proud of how I responded. I absolutely went home and cried because that’s not the type of adult I want to be to children. I am an extremely patient person when it comes to children. I’ve found myself to be more patient than my peers at this same school. But today I lost all of my sense in a single moment. I know if this was a standard public school, I’d be in trouble with the principal. I did apologize to my peers and did not muster the courage to apologize to the child today but plan to tomorrow. I wholeheartedly expect her parents to come to the school tomorrow and scream in my face and threaten to beat me up so wish me luck?
I genuinely feel bad about how I reacted. I was truly in disbelief at the situation until I got home to talk about it with family. I acknowledge that I did not respond appropriately. It was absolutely inappropriate. I feel horrible because I feel like I lashed out and let my anger out on her in a moment of weakness which feels gross especially in a position like this. I sort of have no idea what I’m doing and this is a first for me as well as for the principal. I had to ask myself if this is what I’m really supposed to be doing after today. I acknowledge my fault and don’t really know where to go from here and how to pivot if I’m ever faced with a situation like that again.
For more context am I am as tall as the students. I am 5’0 and have found myself in every professional and non professional setting “sized up” by kids who are fascinated with my height or lack there of. Does not actually bother me as much as it’s just annoying.
All that to say, have any of you ever been disrespected in this particular manner before? How did you handle it? I don’t care what yall say, insight is needed. You can call me a POS who deserves to be fired and sent to jail. Just share your thoughts.