I feel as if the life I’m living wasn’t supposed to be mine
The entirety of my adulthood, I have always felt like this isn’t the life I was supposed to be living, and that one decision changed everything and that’s why I never feel completely satisfied or fulfilled and why nothing ever truly works out, no matter how hard I work or try.
Some background: When I was a teenager, all I had ever wanted to do was live in New Orleans (I had been numerous times and loved it) and I decided to go to college there. I distinctly remember going down to the college for some kind of orientation or something a few months before school was supposed to start, and I remember that being the happiest I had ever been. However, I ended up making the decision not to go, frankly because of a guy.
Since then, guy and I have gotten married, had kids etc. I would say I’m fairly successful at my job, however I’ve capped out (in what’s supposed to be an industry you can’t really cap out in) and got promoted, but then it got taken away. My kids are wonderful. However, we have never been able to buy a house, we need another car but can’t afford to buy one. My husband has never kept a stable job. And our marriage is also never stable.
I always think about the decision I made about moving, and truly believe that decision changed the path I was supposed to be on. And the life I’m living isn’t what was supposed to happen, and that’s why nothing actually works out, and everyday is just the same day repeated over and over, with small changes here and there. I have never felt fulfilled and truly have a hard time envisioning anything in the future, because it doesn’t actually feel real?
Does anyone else have similar thoughts?