u/Big-Spirit-2677

I had this friend, we both go to the same school, I (16M) and she (16F). She was my exes best friend in the whole world. I've always had this belief that once every year, I will meet someone who will irrefutably change my life. It happened in eight, then ninth, and now tenth. For my ninth year, that was her. I met my ex around the same time I met her, but me being friends with her only happened after the break up. I remember how our friendship first bloomed, it was over stupid haikyu stuff, me and her had always watched similar anime and one thing we had in common was a love for the show, and in turn volleyball. None of us knew how to play at the time, and because we would both go to drop my ex off we'd end up alone together alot. We talked about volleyball alot, tho neither of us had actually played (lol), so i decided to buy a volleyball! and we played, every single day, for the entirety of the remaining school year, through the entirety of me and my exes breakup she didn't leave, not even for a second and I truly from the bottom of my heart appreciated that. Then one day, she grew distant, and distant still until I dont know, my ex finally got her to cut me off. My friend would always vent to me about her, how underappreciated she felt how she felt so abandoned by her and the way she expressed her emotions with such clarity and how much emotional intelligence she had was so captivating and charismatic I looked up to her for so so so long. Now she is gone, we are a year in the future, ive tried to reach out once im not like a weirdo about it tho.. New friends new life, and in a few months i'll be moving. Its been a whole year, im literally in a new relationship, even I made new friends. Am I just greedy?? Why cant I forget you. We only were good friends for a few months, why is it I still think of you no matter how many times I shut it out. Is it the lack of closure? I miss you. I miss you alot, how you were the hand to my moral compass, its as if my whole life I've been a mirror reflecting the people I meet, the people I admire the people I look up too, and now that I have nothing to reflect, all I can reflect is myself, and quite frankly I hate staring at the mirror. I am so so lost without you, even though I am my own person now. I hate feeling this way.